Arguments with or around people

Arguments with people and being in the same area of people having arguments.

I see that I lock myself out of the conversation because I fear I might look stupid
I also lock myself out of the argument because i fear speaking up
I lock myself out of the conversation because I feel that I might hurt someone or go totally against their opinion
I also Lock myself out of the argument because I feel I cannot rust myself to be self honest with in what I am going to say
I also lock myself out of the argument when I see it is going nowhere and I feel I have the answer for them but I am not willing to share my side with them because they all have now locked themselves totally within their opinions about the subject through logic and reason
I also do not feel like arguing with the beings because I do not feel like walking about where I have just made myself feel less and dishonest
I also did not participate with in the argument because of how I know myself to access energies and run wild with what I am saying going into being possessed that other beings will accept what I say as the right thing, and I will defend my opinion and disapprove of theirs. EGO

All this requires is Breath that will cost you nothing lol

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lock myself out of conversations because I feel les than the conversation that is taking place

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself less than the conversation that is taking place

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear conversations

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself with in conversations

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear creating arguments

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to fear looking stupid with ina conversation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stupidity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear joining a argument because I believe I am not equipped for
the argument

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to be equipped for an argument

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget about breath with in an argument

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the argument

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compaire myself with the argument

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing with in an argument

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to win an argument

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play a game with in arguing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play games of arguments with in my own delusions of the mind
as real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by the mind as knowledge and information within
an argument and not keeping it simple common sense

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself with the beings and what they are saying within the argument, measuring if I am able to join or say out

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access fight or flight with in arguments after comparing myself
with other beings and the argument

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior to other being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel dishonest with in standing up against another beings
opinion challenging them,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not clear my starting point with in joining an argument

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire looking smart and intelligent with in an argument, hiding
my actual fear as who I really am with in the argument

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be fearful of arguments

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I have to decide my words carefully with in an argument, not
speaking unconditionally with in breath as life one and equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not breath

Rushing self, Not breathing

Rushing myself for others, because of the believe that I have to prove myself and show that I can do this immediately.
Instead stop, breath, move self here as the physical in breath in common sense which is best for all.
Also with in rushing myself I have found that I fuck up a lot according to what I see as fucking up, and immediately judge myself.
Instead breath stop, learn the lesson and do not take anything for granted, stop judgement, move self, forgive self unconditionally
The only solution is breath


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself for others, indicating self dishonesty participating in
the mind instead of here breathe

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself for others according to the believe of I have to

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to rush myself

I allow myself to slow down for myself, till I can completely trust myself in the physical as breath, not rushing and in that take things for granted and ‘fuck up’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I have to rush myself to prove myself to others
What is there to prove? The point of look at me I can do this immediately, and the right way. Fear of mistakes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in the fear of making a mistake, believing if I do it fast I will keep it simple and practical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in the starting point of fear, nervousness, anxiety, and stress

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself according to the emotion, feeling, and thoughts I am having.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take things for granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be gentle with myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the point of fucking up, instead of seeing it as unconditional support and assistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined certain things in my life as fucking up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from all the points that I fear fucking up within,
never taking these points into confederation unconditionally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself believing with in rushing myself I will void all the points’ witch I fear fucking up with in

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create polarity within the point of making mistakes or fucking up, seeing other things I do as right and as not fucking up, living in the save zone, creating an unsaved zone lol

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as polarity, rushing and slowing, instead of just breath here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself separate from all other things, wich is rushing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in comparison to other things and beings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in the starting point of comparing myself to
others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in wanting to prove to myself that I am better
than another being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in fear of being less than another being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live within separation of another being, fearing the being and
feeling I have to prove myself to that person, which I than access rushing through nervousness, and making a
mistake is inevitable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear slowing down for me, because I fear not trusting myself
with in slowing down, as getting things done

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear slowing down

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that trust is within moving fast or slowing down, instead
realizing self as trust with in all that is here in breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created an idea about slowing down, seeing slowing
down as not being able to get to all the things that needs to get done

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from time and all that needs to get done, wit in
this I have already lost

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see it as losing when not being able to get all tasks done in
time.

I stop, BREATH

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realize self here in breath through rushing self, rushing self will
only leave self in judgement, not taking all into consideration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take things for granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move as the mind, quantum time, which will only resemble in
self dishonesty as life

I stop

I allow myself to slow down for myself

I allow myself to not take things for granted

Breath

Instant decision

Instant decision

Thursday night was my dishes night. I was doing dishes with a companion
As my companion asks me so what do you want to do? I replied well what do you feel like doing, and she replies back, I asked first? I stood there with a decision to make I said well I will wash if you do not feel like it?!?!?! Waa what the hell I couldn’t decide.

This was a simple question, and a simple decision I had to make. Not even a big one, I realized with in this, how am I able to decide what to do in the main stuff in this world if I cannot even make a simple decision about washing or drying dishes.

My companion turned and looked at me and said, Gian I have seen now a couple of times you make a decision based on a believe of what you think the other person doesn’t feel like doing. I saw this point clearly.

She told me then, look inside of yourself, and see what you prefer to do, not what you feel like doing, and then decide. She explained to me stand here in breath and see yourself doing dishes, and then see yourself drying the dishes.

I did this, it took me one breath and I told her, okay I want to do drying the dishes, and she said okay.
This felt wrong to me.

I told her that doing this feels wrong to me making a decision for myself.
I then told her that I saw this point and its really cool, I have never considered this and believed it to be wrong, I always make decisions for other people and what they would like doing, I would always take the crappy things to do, not what I prefer to do. I told her I always kind of saw myself as sacrificing myself for others, believing I am doing the right thing.

This was really a cool point in such a simple thing; I see this has to change.

SO Saturday came and we all on the farm went to the mall for shopping day, we have a shopping day each month on pay day, a few of us wanted to go to a different mall, where a specific movie was showing, and other went to the regular mall,

As we ( the few that wanted to go to a different mall) got dropped off at the mall we were all kind of ‘excited’ for the movie, we all went inside and talked about what we are going to do, first we wanted to check the time of the movie when it starts, and then we wanted to go and eat and drink some coffee.
So we went to the movies as we looked at the movies we saw it was closed up permanently, we all went what the fuck, OH NO! I stood there , breathed and looked inside myself I kind of felt like time travelling, into time, and I saw what was going to be the day at the mall, we were all going to be very grumpy and board just walking around for hours as we wait for time to go by till we got picked up. I stopped, I directed the situation very quickly, I told the person closest to me call the driver, let’s go to the other mall, as she calls the driver. The driver says okay I will come back and pick you up, the driver wasn’t very far away, and we waited like 1min outside till she showed up.

I appreciated myself allot for this. In that moment when I looked at the whole day in one breath and all the consequences and effects that could take place. I could have been quiet and let someone ells decide what to do, because of the thing I have about sacrificing myself for others through letting them make the decisions, and not considering myself, as to what I would prefer for myself to experience.

I am now going to do this every time in all the small things I do. When it is necessary, till I can trust myself with this.
I also saw the point that it is in the small things that the big things will be decided. Through your own physical participation.

Time your Creator

Time/ your creator

I feel myself falling behind time, with in this falling behind time I see all that is slipping through my fingers, slowly but surely, I see the past events reoccurring in the same way just different points, then I feel the regret and the compounding effect within me happening, of how I am the creator of this and how I am allowing this to exist, happen.

After I see and realize this point, I feel powerless against time, once the time is lost it is gone, never to be re taken or gained. It is over and gone I missed the point, and making peace with it seems to me like dishonesty, like if I make peace with what I have openly excepted and allowed to happen then making peace with it feels wrong, I feel I have to gain (Gian) it back. This is fear of consequences, fearing facing the same point over and over till there is an ultimate price to pay, which will indefinably happen, equal effect.

TC = Time Creates

This is a fact not a fear factor.

The time I have now is here. I have to let go of the past and what I have accepted and allowed. I make peace with this; this is the only way with in common sense to move oneself again, stop, breath and forgives self.
I am equal to time. Time is my creation, I can only fear time if I am in separation of time.

I am the clock, a clock never stops moving, why am I not moving- separation, seeing time more than myself, giving into the idea of time,

I stop. Breath is the only key, stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall behind time, separating myself from time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from time, with in this fearing time seeing it
more than me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear time and see it more than myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see time more than myself, I am the creator of time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking self responsibility for myself with in time as time,
constantly moving

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear moving myself as time, never stopping, equal to time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing equal to time, seeing it as hard work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist the fact that I have no choice to stand as time, the test of
time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have already lost within myself towards time, I stand up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take time for granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still worry about time, indicating fear and enslavement to time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a slave to time, not standing one and equal as time, in breath here as Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in time get lazy, participating in the mind, mental realities.
Quantum time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself with in quantum time in and as the mind, while in
the real reality the real time is creating, what I am missing and losing awareness of

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself, already creating the timeloop to face this point
again in time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret judging myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to out of fear do the self forgiveness, fearing the regret and
judgement will time loop me

I STOP here

Animal Abuse

Animal abuse

Today I had a cool experience with my horse Titan. (+- a year ago)

At horses which is at about 6 o’clock, I went into Titans stable and I started preparing his stable. I got his bedding in and his hay to eat, then after a while I heard foods ready and all the horses got excited, I went to fetch the food and took it to Titan. As Titan was eating I grabbed a brush and started brushing him, he swung out his right foot, (which I find amazing that he is able to do that) and he almost kicked me, I reacted with in that moment and got tired of this, he does this quite a lot, and with in me reacting I lost me here and I hit Titan with the brush and kicked his foot out of spitefulness, going through me how does that feel huh? This did not move him at ALL he just stood there and tried to kick me again.

I breathed and just continued brushing him, I was angry and experienced myself as being incapable to control my horse and that I am in danger now all the time, I brushed him with in fear, and I saw the point of why I am in fear now, because instead of breathing and seeing the point my horse is revealing to me with in that moment which was that I brushed him to get done with it not to actually be with him unconditionally.

And he stood by his point, not giving into me reacting towards him, I found that my horse as that moment was more directive and unconditional that what I will ever be this I experienced with in me.

After wards as I sat on the chair outside his stable and looked at him, he stared at me, and I went into questioning him, I stopped and I said okay Titan I forgive you. He had no after math of whoa I did something wrong like I did.

I sat there and all the sudden this point reveals to me in a single breath. A past question that I always asked myself came up, the question was- How can people abuse horses like they do, and how did people get to abuse my horse like this, if they did not abuse my horse he would not have been this way towards me. And then the present moment of what just happened came to me aligning with the past questions, where I now see how people got to the point of abusing horse (animals), fear and reactions, through this loosing self entirely and awareness, but still aware actually.
And then they act upon their specific believe of themselves and who they believe themselves to be, meaning if the horse dares to kick you, you will react because your ego has just been challenged by an animal which people see as less then themselves, this is the fear also, actually realizing that the state you as the human being exist as in this current moment is less than an animal and this can not be shown to anyone not even self, therefore you will attack the animal out of reaction and fear.

No matter the cost of what you do to the animal, the actions will be taken from the starting point of spitefulness or stimulation- the stimulation will be gaining that back which you feel you have just lost (Ego) so through stimulating the horse through abusing the horse as torturing, which will stimulate you as the human because you feel you are gaining revenge and power back.

This Stop here

Eduction and vocabulary

I have been studying for my electrician N3, I am doing maths high grade, I realized that it is not the maths that is the difficult part but it is all to do with the vocabulary, I now first have to learn the new vocabulary to be able to read the math and then to apply the math.

vocabulary is important for all being to be able to live a effective life, and only a few beings(those with money) has the opportunity to educate themselves effectively to built a effective vocabulary that can and will support the being in all aspects of life, because we are the living words. I only now realize how important vocabulary is and that I can actually not read because of the vocabulary I have, not because I cant read, you need to have vocabulary before you can read.

I stand for an equal money system, where EDUCATION is equally available to all and that all beings can have a fair chance to educate themselves and to build a vocabulary for themselves to be able to have understanding and not walk life blindly as the faulty words we are all limited to. to be able to read effectively and to have effective understanding through what is red so thatthere is no miss understanding and clear communication and that the being can have the tools to choose what they want to become this life as support for all life and have a effective influence on life in the best interest of all life as the living words that we all exist as.

vocabulary is really important - one word has a thousand words describing that word, and those thousands of words each has their own words describing them, so imagine we live in a world where barely a few percentage is educated efectively, and then billions that is not educated. and those that is not educated is also living in poverty or in war, or in some shit place, and then the worst part of it all is, the people with money that has the power and capability to stand together and help the world to help them, does nothing but ignore them.

where is the dignity.

Equal money for all, equal labor for all, equal education for all, equal life for all. we are all in fact equal, why is this not lived but feared,?