Mr nice and bad guy masks, SF

Mr nice and bad guy masks SF

Being the nice guy is being the bad guy.

I experience with myself that when I am being nice or polite to people I am accepting and allowing them to abuse me and to deceive me with in my own politeness and niceness, because once I have gone nice towards a person with in a conversation I cannot suddenly turn bad as being harsh and mean because I have already given them the permission to speak out their own opinion as if it is right and justifiable through being polite about the point in the beginning, thus i am literally fucking the point up from standing up and saying what makes common sense and to stop the abuse and self deception.

I have experienced this point a couple of times when talking-to people over facebook about religion and believes, I would start off with making a comment on the facebook page and someone would say that who am I to judge their religion or believe and then I would react with in seeing such comment and finding it as an attack and thus I go into being polite to not have to face the point of conflict.

So then I would say I am not judging i am simply revealing the deception and showing all common sense, and then the other person sees that I am being polite they use this as a way to see if they can convert me or get me to understand their ways and their opinions and then after they have replied back I cannot stand and say stop because this will cost the chance that that being has of seeing the Desteni message because of my irresponsible actions that I have taken within the moment of ego and energy.

So I see when I speak with people about something I have to simply breath and not go into nice or man or attacking of fleeing, I have to stand with in absolute with in what I am saying and as principal, I cannot use nice as a way to manipulate the situation because I have and will always be last and be taken advantage of, and I can also not YET become the bad, mean guy because I do this from a starting point of reaction and become possessed with the energies and this is where I lose control and might black out which I find happens.

Breath is at most important and to stay as breath and standing as the principal with in breath and only speaking the principal and living the principal is required and quite dame effective, wonderful I may add lol, I have done this within breath with in tight situations in town a few times and I have to say it is really effective. Oneness and equality and what is best for all, self honesty and common sense.

SF

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be the nice guy to be liked and to be able to have people manipulated to my will and what I want and need to get done, thus with in this possessed state I am also allowing the polarity to brew and grow within me as frustration and irritation and self hatred and anger because i believe to perceive that what I am getting for what I am giving is unfair, being nice but everyone is mean and dis respectful back to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear simply to be here and act and direct with in self honesty with in common sense and that which is best for all, not trusting myself as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put on the mask of mister nice guy because of the lack of self trust and relying on hope that the mister nice guy mask will get things done for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself believe that the mister nice guy mask will get things done for me all the time and thus relying on hope instead of simply trusting myself and standing as me here within and as the principal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live within the mind construct of hope and thus have created a mask that I can wear called mister nice guy that always hope his niceness will get things done for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put my trust with in a programmed fake face that I have programmed myself through past experienced where the fake face worked and thus not place my trust with in the hope of that the fake face will work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on memory and what I have experienced within the past as working for me as to using a fake face called mister nice guy face to manipulate the outcome of situations and hope for the best which is totally self deception because hope is a delusion and a self created comfort for the mind to hide behind instead of taking action and making something happen and work through self responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify myself and my self value and self trust as the mister nice guy mask that was designed and created from the starting point of lack of self trust and self value as life here one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to use the self created mask called mister nice guy to abuse and to manipulate and to hide behind to not have to take self responsibility for this reality and what I have accepted and allowed to exist within this reality through money to have placed me within situations where I have to use such a mask.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself o fear letting go of the mister nice guy bullshitter face

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I am without the mister nice guy and mister bad guy faces.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear walking through the fears and insecurities that I have hidden and suppressed behind the mister nice guy mask and which i abuse through the mister bad ass mask.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear thorouging the mister nice guy mask away and allow myself to let others see who I really am without participating with in polarities as energy but as principal here one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown once I have allowed myself to within moments when the point is here and representing itself to let go of the energy that frightens me and then I place my mister nice guy mask on to hide instead of facing self and taking self responsibility to breath through he point and stand with in and as the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not knowing who I am without my personality that protects me as the mister nice guy and mister mean bad guy masks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that It will take effort to get through these points instead of simply breathing here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the response of others and their reactions and what their reactions might be towards me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have already created an idea with in my mind of how and who I will be without my mister nice guy and bad guy masks and thus I have already created another personality already to be a back up to hide my fears and insecurities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create back up for in case I cannot stand, with in the in case I have already fallen within me and thus I am not breathing effectively and fearing the future moment and scenarios that might occur.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with in the mind as if it is valid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with in future projection as ideas and self opinionated believe system that is designed and created according to my specific insecurities and fear to make it all sound valid and as if I will not make it and not stand,

I stop this

I allow myself to breath I am here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the fear of the future as a picture with in my mind according o what I want to fear to be able to validate my fear and thus participate with in the physical applications to avoid the fear and thus create it with in my reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wonder off from the point I am working on instead of staying focussed here to the point.

I allow myself to correct myself here one and equal

I breathe in, ....................................out

money and Self forgiveness

Money and Sf.

Money is that which feeds me, cloth me, bath me, gives me water and that which currently makes it possible to breath in other words to live.

I see with myself and the current situation that I am in with money, the fear of losing all that I have and money, the fear that it can be taken away from me in a second and so fast that if I do not have a back up then I am fucked this life, completely useless with in the current accepted and allowed reality that I live within this world with money.

It works the following way for a human to be able to survive and exist with in the system and have their own little heaven which is money, you have to go to school and have an education behind your name, this will most definitely not be enough as a standard education is simply the foundation to go to a collage and study something that is worth something in the system, in other words something that can make you and others that participate with in capitalism rich and live comfortable, such as lawyers and doctors and researchers and accountants and psychologists and electricians etc.

Then after you have got your degree it still isn’t enough you actually have to get employed with the degree that you have and you have to actually be good at what you do for people to accept you and allow you to make money, this is the simple basic structure and way that normal people have to go through and achieve to be able to be successful or to have a income that allows them to live.

None of the above can be achieved if you do not have money, so if you are within the situation to be able to achieve such educational level then that means your parents have done this before you and their parents before them so that you can be doing this because they all needed money for it all or they worked very hard to get money for you to have an education because they were in a position to be able to get work and work hard for the money so still money is on top of it all.

So now back to me, I find that I have achieved nothing in this life and that at this point I am pretty fucked within the line of education, I keep on trying to find quick and easy ways to do things to make money like playing the lotto or starting my own thing like creating a bug farm to sell the bugs to have a small income, or to breed with something that can make money, I can now say I see why there si such things as zoo’s and animal cruelty and why the shit exists that exist in relation to animal in equality and animal abuse where humans become brutal and mean and sickening towards animals because they all wanted to make money the easy way so why not capture animals and make money off them because it seems so easy, What human does not want to play god with animals, I mean you are giving a human another living being to fuck around with for money if you sell animals and so forth.

So now I am facing myself with in regret and shame and within hopelessness and fear and self pity because I see I have to do things that I do not want to do because it will take time, I have to redo my grade 10 grade 11 and do my grade 12, this requires money which I do not have and no one can really support me with money to do this because everyone is running out of money. The point that is pushing me is the fact that I am useless within the system and with in being able to apply myself practically within the system to do what is required to be done within the best interest for all. I have to gear myself up and equip myself with an education that will allow me to stand with in application in the system, and to be a voice for oneness and equality and an equal money system, to have the papers behind me that says I know what the fuck I am talking about so that others that has education can take me serious and for the law not to be held against me with in the absences of the rights(degrees or diplomas) to do what I am doing such as being a politician.

So I have to re design myself to become a effective being in the system, I have to deliberately equip myself with abilities to take on the current system that exists only as abuse and to stand for life, I need to let go of all the fucking bullshit that the mind is throwing at me such as worries and concerns and fears that neutralizes me if I participate with in it, instead I am writing this out and clearing myself to stand and take direction, not as an energy but as breath, I see I have to careful here for not going into energy because then the application will run in polarities, instead of breathing here relax and breath and apply.

Sf

I forgive myself for accepting and allo9wing myself to fear what I have to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing my grades over with in the starting point of what is best for all and to become as effective as I can within the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking the time to apply myself to become as effective as I can within the system through re doing my high school year.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only consider myself with in what I have to do thus I have fe3ar and concerns and worries

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to do what is needed with in what is best for all as my personality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to analyze my personality and to see whether my personality is equipped with a special program that can handle what needs to be done in relation to redoing my high school year.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate as the personality and thus as fear and as concerns and as morality

I allow myself to stand as principal and end the personality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having no money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear money and the make believe power I give it according to who I am as a personality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up from within the current money system as a being with the equipped skills and abilities to take action for life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking self responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to manifest within the space time that I have here on earth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing my high school years over because I fear that I might be wasting other peoples time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear wasting my own time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear wasting my money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear wasting my time which is money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that money is time, which it is in this physical reality, thus I cannot rely on time but only myself as breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste money through wasting my own time through not taking direction and self responsibility for what needs to be done and thus postpone and time loop and thus a compound effect takes place where I am at the current moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately postpone and time loop myself through giving into my fears and concerns and believes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear money and the grip it has physically on me with in reality and the current system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make money a problem instead of finding a solution and ending the money problem for the sake of all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on other to have money for me to use and to spend and for me to do things with instead of taking self responsibility while I can for the money situation with in my life so I can be effective with in what I do and thus do it to the best of my abilities for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting everyone down on earth that relies on me to bring forth a change even though they are not aware of us as destonians and what we do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame money for the things man does with it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for what I have accepted and allowed to exist within this reality as enslavement to our own creation as money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand as enslavement to money instead of standing up from within and as enslavement from money to equal money for all to free us from money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give upon myself through the thoughts and ideas I have created within money and how powerless I am with in the current money system and making money that will be sufficient with in supporting myself as Desteni.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be all negative about doing something that will take effort and time to become effective within the system of money and to do what is best for all.

I stop this fucking polarity within me and stand as principal and not mother fucking personality.

I forgive myself for accpepting and allowing myself to concern myself about what other think

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that what other think is relevant at all lol

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be concerned about if I will get permission to do what needs to be done or not, I give myself permission to do what is best for all as long as I am clear and standing with in the principal of oneness and equality and using common sense and self honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that all the money I have will be taken from me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that any money I have ever had belonged to me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself o make money my belongings and thus i enslave myself to it and the design of it all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate the idea of being dependant on other for money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the idea of being enslaved to money, thus hating the idea I am empowering the idea and thus I am accepting and allowing the enslavement of money and the abuse we humans cause with it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be self honest about the extent that money exist as within this reality and how we are alive because of money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blind myself with the idea that I am in control within my life with money, which is absolute self deception as everything that exist within my life is held together by money and if there is no money I will starve and die and so will all the beings such as animals and plant life that I have enslaved to be with me which became dependant on the money as I have as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be self honest with myself about the actual current situation we are within this reality in relation to money and what I have accepted and allowed to exist through ignorance and bliss.

I breath here,

I allow myself to become self honest with myself and take elf responsibility.

Photo respons on facebook SF

Wednesday, August 19, 2009 at 4:51pm
Photo on face book

So I posted a photo on face book and it seems to have made a stir on my face book page, people commented, and I like the photo, it is pretty cool, then after a while I go on face book I see my brother and my mother made comments on the photo, and this created reactions within me still indicating separation and fear towards my mother and what she has to say about me and, also I felt like fuck I did something wrong, I got my mother’s attention, so this indicated I am hiding from her and do not want to stir things to get her reaction and opinion about what I am doing, also I saw that I was glad that it was a good respond I got from my mother and not a bad one. And this is all just showing me that I still hold something against my mother, I feel it is hate and a dislike, and also that she stands as a thread for me, indicating she still has power over me.

Time to forgive Gain.
Enough is enough.
This is a subject that holds me back making me feel like I do not know how to push through this without using the mind and suppressing the point, I also see a desire within me to get rid of my mother. So that I can feel more free, on a subconscious level.
The question still runs in my mind what is the point that makes me still react to my mother in fear and anxiousness, like she can anytime make me stop what I am doing.
I see it’s simple

Morality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to suppress the subject and seeing it as not that important to do right now,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to the mind and the systems.
I stop
Breath
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react towards my mother, accepting and allowing my mother to have control over me, as the mother matrix system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself power away to reactions
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react towards my mother out of the fear that she can still control me or make me crash
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my mother’s words that she speaks and writes, seeing it as a mother’s point of view and that it is always what is best for you and the right thing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still see my mother as the one that knows what is right for me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my mother as the one that knows what is best for me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my mother as the one that truly cares for me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my mother as the one that knows the truth
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still feel that I own my mother my life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as my mother’s little boy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still feel like I am my mother’s son that needs her in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to my mother as me being her son
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my mother’s judgement as valid
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a kid in my mother’s eyes that knows nothing of this reality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as my mother’s fears
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my mother’s judgement validating what she says to exist within me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still live according to the idea my mother had about me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in such a way that I will not disappoint my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can fail my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as having to prove myself to my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I have to prove myself to my mother to not to have to face her again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as having to become someone create to prove my mother wrong with in me participating in process
I do process for me as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold myself back within myself because of my mother’s fear imprinted into me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold it against my mother for giving me her fears
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my mother for her fears and seeing it as stupid
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for having my mother’s fears
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my mother creating polarity between us and within me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the past and the experiences I had with my mother, the good and the bad ones
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see all the good experiences I had with my mother as nice times and that it is cool to hold on to it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to show morality towards my mother, from the starting point of she is my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not knowing who I might be without my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treasure my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate my mother from all other beings making her special with in my mind and thoughts
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike my mother for not participating in process with me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel responsible for my mother not standing up for life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold it against my mother that she is aware of process and that she is deliberately not participating
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from that
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mean towards my mother just because she is my mother and not some other being
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed of myself for all the things I have said towards my mother not taking full responsibility for what I have said
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have disregarded my mother as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret never having a fun time with my parents while being in process, always trying to show a different image and fighting, justifying it as standing up for life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stimulate my mother to not standing up for life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have stimulated my mother in a way that she will be spiteful towards me and never stand up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a believe of this and made an emotion about it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create feelings towards what I am saying
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the idea of my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the idea of myself from my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in fear towards my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act in fear towards my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my mother in fear of my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my mother as manipulation and control
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself as manipulation and control
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself through the eyes of my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up to my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up to myself

I allow myself to stop
I allow myself to breath
I am here
I appreciate myself

I stand

Future SF

Monday, June 22, 2009 (11:19 PM)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future and what is to come I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the fututre I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I am to weak to handle the future I forgive myselffor accepting and allowing myself to far the future and what I have accpted and allowed to manifests as the future I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the future, creating myself to fear the fuutre I allow myself to take self responsability for the fuutre, here in breath as I walk. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through fearing the future, keeping me in a emotional state losing the here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed through and as the fear of the future I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the future as more than myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make sure the future happens as I fear it through feering it I stop Walk in breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through future projections

The ONE

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 (11:03 PM) (I'm Here)

I am at this stage 19, and as far as I can remember all through my life I had this Idea about myself, an idea that I am special, and the one to save someone or even the world. Through this believe I limited myself, I waited for that moment, the special moment when the world will need me and I will rise up and save people. and this played out in my relationships, I always got the girls that were broken, and I became their savior, The one. This is unacceptable. 6 billion people on this earth, each one believing they are the ONE in some way, and this makes them special, EGO=eco. I lived like this, it brought me nowhere and nothing, I left school and became a waiter, waiting to be the One, special I forgive myself. I forgive myself for .accepting and allowing myself to define myself and everything I have experienced so far according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my age as special I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach things to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through seeing myself as the age I am I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept limitation through my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am limited according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my age as a justification within the actions I take I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my date of birth as special and meaningful Breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through using the mind in remembering things I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to remember things as memories and thoughts to see the past, that is always here in common sense I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through remembering things, past I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the past, therefore I have to remember things, instead of standing here as the past, no separation Breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to an idea of myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to have an idea about myself in order to survive I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to survive, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as an idea about myself, separating me from me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea about myself because I fear the real me and the truth of myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide the truth of me from me because I fear the truth, therefore I create an idea about myself to comfort myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living as the real me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing alone for living the real me and not an idea of myself, as I perceive others would prefer me to be I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to the idea others want me to be I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to the idea of the world, out of fear being different and real I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being different I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being the real me means different I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other beings I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treasure the idea I have about myself, allowing me to live in a way where I can lose something I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through living according to an idea and tiring myself out through carrying this idea around with me every day I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tire myself out through trying to achieve the idea I have about myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a projection of myself as an idea I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear just being here in breath, nothing special. Breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is possible to save someone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blinded by my projected purpose I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for saving someone, not realizing I have to save myself first, purifying self through self forgiveness I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need saving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe someone ells needs saving I forgive myself for not realizing that it is imposable to save someone,, and that I can only assist and support other beings I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make it my life purpose to try and save someone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to save someone to validate my existence I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can save myself through saving someone ells I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to lay Jesus super star I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to save someone els through self interest I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from other beings therefore I feel the need to save them and become someone special in their eyes I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through wanting to save someone, not realizing I am actually suppressing what is going on, I forgive myself for not being unconditional towards people and supporting then as me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing limitation through separation Breath I forgive myself I allow myself to stand

Changing with in fear,

Thursday, June 25, 2009 (3:09 AM) (I'm feeling Breath)

Changing with in fear and not actuality I have observed myself today and saw a point of where I change myself with in the agreement from the starting point of fear. Fear of fucking up Fear of creating conflict Fear of facing shit within the agreement Fear of losing the agreement Fear of not being in an agreement Fear of hurting Leila (Agreement= 2 beings walking alone with each other as life one and equal, supporting and assisting each other as themselves) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change from the starting point of agreement and not one and equal I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change with in the starting point of fear I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change myself for Leila and not for me to stand as life here in breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change from the point of keeping Leila happy I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to fear changing for Leila because it will mean me giving up myself as I know myself to be through believes ideas and opinions (systems) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through changing with in the starting point of fear I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through fear of fucking up I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the point of fucking up I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up, out of the believe that II can harm another and face the consequences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to for consequences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from all consequences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self responsibility for what I have created through participating with in the mind I stop in breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up, through the believe that I have to get something right the first time I forgive myself for not appreciating all my fuckups, through them I learn and forgive, and change in breathe, and gain more awareness and common sense I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up, through the believe that I have to prove myself to others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to prove myself to others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the need to prove something to someone, through going in to the polarity when they complement me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up because I fear the unknown I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a believe about myself that I fear the unknown I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the polarity with in fear the unknown through participating in the known all the time, limiting myself with in my believes I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe there is an unknown I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the unknown, creating the unknown, lol I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that witch I create myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the agreement I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put value in the agreement I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to see the agreement as more than what it is I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to fix the agreement I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see something wrong with in the agreement, from past relationship experiences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play out the bullshit from past relationships with in the agreement seeing it as important I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear things that happened with in my past experiences in relationships, to happen within the agreement, making a relationship out of the agreement. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a relationship out of the agreement, comparing them to each other, not allowing change and overcoming of limitations I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare Leila to all the girls I ever had I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself with in the agreement, through comparing Leila to all the girls I went out with before I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire for Leila to be like all the girls I went out with, attached to me, caring for only me, committed to do anything for me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through these ideas and hopes and desires, not seeing that is what I actually desire from myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be unconditional towards myself, seeking it with in others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek commitment from others, instead of being committed to myself as life one and equal I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from commitment, seeking it with in others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through seeking commitment, instead of being it in breath here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear commitment from myself because I look down on myself, as less than others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as less than others, limiting myself within who I am committed to myself as life I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from self commitment, trying to find it with in others, and fearing standing alone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing alone, not being committed to myself as life I forgive myself Breath

Physical breathing

Breathing while being here is the most important, to breath effectively in each moment is a physical awareness, it is elf willed and it is self disciplined it is direct and it not thought, it is one hundred percent physical. Breathing is the key in no matter what you are doing, from reading to drinking, from drinking to driving, from driving to doing self forgiveness; breathing is constant and stable if one does it effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not breathe effectively

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself o not breath effectively in each moment as awareness of the breath here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear breathing effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear breathing effectively because I fear that without thought I will not be able to live or move.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear existing only as breath and being here in each moment as breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that It is impossible to only breath and not have any thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is impossible to function with only breath and without any feelings emotions and thoughts.

I allow myself to simpy breath and prove to myself that I am more effective as breath as the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not breath effectively when I m doing physical work,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i need to motivate myself though thoughts feeling and emotions to do things instead of simply breathing and doing what needs to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need energy as feelings and emotions to motivate me to move and direct myself with in the physical instead of simply breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give power to that which is so totally not necessary such as creating thoughts to generate feelings and emotions within myself o motivate me to move and to do physical things instead of simply breath and doing the exact same things, the only diff4rence is that feeling and emotions feed of the physical body to be able to generate the energy it needs to provide to motivate, instead of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on outside sources to motivate me to do things instead of breathing here as me one and equal as all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not breath effectively for myself as life as standing up for life and being fucking serious about it through breathing effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to thoughts feeling and emotions when they come up with in me and get distracted from the physical, that which is real, and thus place myself in a position of mission something and not considering all and what is effectively the best and that which matters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself in harm’s way deliberately through participating with in thoughts as distractions from the physical, that which really matters and which is real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuck around with in my mind with thoughts feeling and emotions instead of breathing effectively here as life one and equal as the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give power to a 30 square centimetres of space called my head as the mind and believing everything happening in there is real at all while me as the physical is participating here with in and as the physical, setting myself up for danger and in harm’s way through the ignorance that it was created within.

I allow myself to be here as breath

I allow myself to breath effectively as the physical one and equal.

I am breath, not the mind, not feelings, not emotions.

I breathe as life. Effectively in self trust