The physical suffers if you do not breathe

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

I went to the pumps at 9:34 in the morning to pump water which is all the way down by the river on the farm and my room is all the way up at the top of the farm lol, so it is about 200m to there and then back, I have to go to the pumps to switch it on and to open the one tanks valve at the bottom to fill up the dam for the animals and all the life there.

Now after doing this walking already for a whole week it is tiring and a lot of walking if one is not breathing effectively, so today at 12:20 when I went down to the pumps for the third time to close the valve for the one tank that is running into the dam I felt my body was exhausted and that I had a head ache and I was really heavy with in my whole physical expression and movement, this was really irritating especially in the heat.

After arriving at the pump and closing it I started walking back up (which is up hill) and I just could not I was out of breath and I was tired and I wanted to stop in the shade and just get myself a breath.

What caused this??

Answer: I was with in the mind walking towards a destination and I wanted to reach the destination immediately (this point causes stress fear and anxiety) because I did not like the current point I was at within the physical, thus with in my walk as the physical I was walking at a phase and with my head leaning forward (not in line with my body) and from my head leaning forward it caused tension on my neck which caused all the head ache and pain in my lower back which made me feel irritated heavy and like giving up with myself and as if I just wanted to stop. The whole experience took place because of one point as a thought and because I was not breathing here effectively. (the thought that started the whole experience was about me sitting in my room doing internet stuff)

What have I learned, well first of all I corrected myself within the moment and I aligned my head straight with my body as one here stable breathing, and I saw that I could not rush with in such a position but that I simply was here breathing and that I was aware of my environment and that I wasn’t hot and heavy at all, the head ache was gone and so was the back pain. WOW. So everything I was experiencing was a lie?? To myself from myself? Hahaha it is quite revealing if I look at it.

Now the other question is within how many other things in my life do I do this and am not aware of it and within this un awareness fucking up my physical body and the experience of myself here as one and equal within and as breath. God i am fucking up the world in such an experience of myself,

So once again breathing proves to be most effective.

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

I went to the pumps at 9:34 in the morning to pump water which is all the way down by the river on the farm and my room is all the way up at the top of the farm lol, so it is about 200m to there and then back, I have to go to the pumps to switch it on and to open the one tanks valve at the bottom to fill up the dam for the animals and all the life there.

Now after doing this walking already for a whole week it is tiring and a lot of walking if one is not breathing effectively, so today at 12:20 when I went down to the pumps for the third time to close the valve for the one tank that is running into the dam I felt my body was exhausted and that I had a head ache and I was really heavy with in my whole physical expression and movement, this was really irritating especially in the heat.

After arriving at the pump and closing it I started walking back up (which is up hill) and I just could not I was out of breath and I was tired and I wanted to stop in the shade and just get myself a breath.

What caused this??

Answer: I was with in the mind walking towards a destination and I wanted to reach the destination immediately (this point causes stress fear and anxiety) because I did not like the current point I was at within the physical, thus with in my walk as the physical I was walking at a phase and with my head leaning forward (not in line with my body) and from my head leaning forward it caused tension on my neck which caused all the head ache and pain in my lower back which made me feel irritated heavy and like giving up with myself and as if I just wanted to stop. The whole experience took place because of one point as a thought and because I was not breathing here effectively. (the thought that started the whole experience was about me sitting in my room doing internet stuff)

What have I learned, well first of all I corrected myself within the moment and I aligned my head straight with my body as one here stable breathing, and I saw that I could not rush with in such a position but that I simply was here breathing and that I was aware of my environment and that I wasn’t hot and heavy at all, the head ache was gone and so was the back pain. WOW. So everything I was experiencing was a lie?? To myself from myself? Hahaha it is quite revealing if I look at it.

Now the other question is within how many other things in my life do I do this and am not aware of it and within this un awareness fucking up my physical body and the experience of myself here as one and equal within and as breath. God i am fucking up the world in such an experience of myself,

So once again breathing proves to be most effective.

The ONE

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 (11:03 PM) (I'm Here)

I am at this stage 19, and as far as I can remember all through my life I had this Idea about myself, an idea that I am special, and the one to save someone or even the world. Through this believe I limited myself, I waited for that moment, the special moment when the world will need me and I will rise up and save people. and this played out in my relationships, I always got the girls that were broken, and I became their savior, The one. This is unacceptable. 6 billion people on this earth, each one believing they are the ONE in some way, and this makes them special, EGO=eco. I lived like this, it brought me nowhere and nothing, I left school and became a waiter, waiting to be the One, special I forgive myself. I forgive myself for .accepting and allowing myself to define myself and everything I have experienced so far according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my age as special I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach things to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through seeing myself as the age I am I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept limitation through my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am limited according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my age as a justification within the actions I take I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my date of birth as special and meaningful Breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through using the mind in remembering things I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to remember things as memories and thoughts to see the past, that is always here in common sense I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through remembering things, past I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the past, therefore I have to remember things, instead of standing here as the past, no separation Breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to an idea of myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to have an idea about myself in order to survive I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to survive, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as an idea about myself, separating me from me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea about myself because I fear the real me and the truth of myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide the truth of me from me because I fear the truth, therefore I create an idea about myself to comfort myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living as the real me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing alone for living the real me and not an idea of myself, as I perceive others would prefer me to be I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to the idea others want me to be I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to the idea of the world, out of fear being different and real I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being different I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being the real me means different I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other beings I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treasure the idea I have about myself, allowing me to live in a way where I can lose something I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through living according to an idea and tiring myself out through carrying this idea around with me every day I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tire myself out through trying to achieve the idea I have about myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a projection of myself as an idea I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear just being here in breath, nothing special. Breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is possible to save someone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blinded by my projected purpose I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for saving someone, not realizing I have to save myself first, purifying self through self forgiveness I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need saving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe someone ells needs saving I forgive myself for not realizing that it is imposable to save someone,, and that I can only assist and support other beings I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make it my life purpose to try and save someone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to save someone to validate my existence I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can save myself through saving someone ells I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to lay Jesus super star I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to save someone els through self interest I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from other beings therefore I feel the need to save them and become someone special in their eyes I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through wanting to save someone, not realizing I am actually suppressing what is going on, I forgive myself for not being unconditional towards people and supporting then as me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing limitation through separation Breath I forgive myself I allow myself to stand

Instant decision

Instant decision

Thursday night was my dishes night. I was doing dishes with a companion
As my companion asks me so what do you want to do? I replied well what do you feel like doing, and she replies back, I asked first? I stood there with a decision to make I said well I will wash if you do not feel like it?!?!?! Waa what the hell I couldn’t decide.

This was a simple question, and a simple decision I had to make. Not even a big one, I realized with in this, how am I able to decide what to do in the main stuff in this world if I cannot even make a simple decision about washing or drying dishes.

My companion turned and looked at me and said, Gian I have seen now a couple of times you make a decision based on a believe of what you think the other person doesn’t feel like doing. I saw this point clearly.

She told me then, look inside of yourself, and see what you prefer to do, not what you feel like doing, and then decide. She explained to me stand here in breath and see yourself doing dishes, and then see yourself drying the dishes.

I did this, it took me one breath and I told her, okay I want to do drying the dishes, and she said okay.
This felt wrong to me.

I told her that doing this feels wrong to me making a decision for myself.
I then told her that I saw this point and its really cool, I have never considered this and believed it to be wrong, I always make decisions for other people and what they would like doing, I would always take the crappy things to do, not what I prefer to do. I told her I always kind of saw myself as sacrificing myself for others, believing I am doing the right thing.

This was really a cool point in such a simple thing; I see this has to change.

SO Saturday came and we all on the farm went to the mall for shopping day, we have a shopping day each month on pay day, a few of us wanted to go to a different mall, where a specific movie was showing, and other went to the regular mall,

As we ( the few that wanted to go to a different mall) got dropped off at the mall we were all kind of ‘excited’ for the movie, we all went inside and talked about what we are going to do, first we wanted to check the time of the movie when it starts, and then we wanted to go and eat and drink some coffee.
So we went to the movies as we looked at the movies we saw it was closed up permanently, we all went what the fuck, OH NO! I stood there , breathed and looked inside myself I kind of felt like time travelling, into time, and I saw what was going to be the day at the mall, we were all going to be very grumpy and board just walking around for hours as we wait for time to go by till we got picked up. I stopped, I directed the situation very quickly, I told the person closest to me call the driver, let’s go to the other mall, as she calls the driver. The driver says okay I will come back and pick you up, the driver wasn’t very far away, and we waited like 1min outside till she showed up.

I appreciated myself allot for this. In that moment when I looked at the whole day in one breath and all the consequences and effects that could take place. I could have been quiet and let someone ells decide what to do, because of the thing I have about sacrificing myself for others through letting them make the decisions, and not considering myself, as to what I would prefer for myself to experience.

I am now going to do this every time in all the small things I do. When it is necessary, till I can trust myself with this.
I also saw the point that it is in the small things that the big things will be decided. Through your own physical participation.