Powerless you are not.

I have been sitting at my desk many nights wondering and pondering on how can i make a difference in this world, I am powerless I have told myself many times, How can I possible make a difference in this reality with all the people already in power.

I have given up so many times within myself and with in doing anything to change this world, because everything that I found I was able to do wasn't effecting anything or anyone in a big way to make a change, yes I have changed a few people’s minds and yes I have picked up all the trash laying around in my neighborhood that people just throw out into the fields, I have tried my best to what I could do. So I thought.

I have been there, sitting alone in my room in front of the pc, thinking about all the shit I read in the newspaper just minutes ago about a women getting raped by 10 men at a time and then shot through the stomach because they did not want her to get pregnant, about all the bad really destructive things happening in this world such as war’s and poverty and child sex trafficking, have numbed myself towards it to a certain degree that when I open the new paper the next day I can look at it and not feel bad, so that I can turn the T.V on and not react anymore to the brutality, because I have given up within myself and given all my power to the system,

I have been there walking in the street wondering when I am going to get stabbed or robbed or when I will be stuck in a shopping mall stick up where they beat the customers up and shoot someone in front of me just to make their point that they want money to feed their child like we all will do in their situation.

I have been there driving in my car in fear of the man on the street asking for money and I can’t really help him, feeling guilty because I know I have and he does not, I have suppressed it in such a way that I actually now get angry at them because I allowed myself to feel powerless to help them.

I have been there where I sit in front of my pc in a dark room feeling so little and that everything ells in this world is so big and that I can’t do anything o end animal abuse or to save the earth from being destroyed by man’s hand, sitting by myself and giving up feeling pressed down by the ignorance of society all depressed.

I have been there where it all gets too much, the violence the murder the brutality the destruction the fear the anxiety the hopelessness and the powerlessness within me, where I go and drink my weekends away to forget it all, to drown myself in entertainment that society provides, to drown myself in the entertainment of friends and ignorance, to forget that it all is real, this the next day’s newspaper.

2 girls, aged 6, gang raped and hanged from their homes sealing, parents shot through head, nothing was stolen.

The government promises 20 million people brick homes, the government throws major party worth 200 million rands for his family, no brick homes were built.

I read this, it is happening all around me all the time,

I found a way to change my powerlessness, I found a solution to change this world, to change what we have accepted and allowed as a group to exist within and as this reality.

I first had to change myself and who i am, I had to change my participation within the system to that which is best for all, to do what I would like others to do onto me, to live in everyday in every breathe as a principal that is best for all, I stopped my sorrowing and I stopped my feelings and emotions of powerlessness.

And I started acting towards a solution that will work with in and as this physical reality as a group in equality.

In all the time that I spend drinking and sorrowing and partying and that I spend giving up, I could have created a new world lol, So that is what I am now doing with in my daily participation, I change me and who i am with in all of this, I change me as the creator of everything that is here, because is it only common sense that the world is fucked up because we all are here creating it that way, so we all simply have to create it better, first fix who we are as the problem to what the solution is and the solution will come as the living expression of who we are.

I have been in this process for three years now and I have changed myself to start living for that which is best for all, love thy neighbours as thy self in each breathe.

I obviously could can not do this alone and could not have started this out of thin air, I started with reading and studying the material from the Desteni website, www.desteni.co.za and thus my process of changing who I am started and so I am patient and still within my process learning every day, applying myself in every way that I can to stop me as abuse, and stand as life as that which is best for all. As a living principal.

I also have been doing a course with Desteni for 2 years now as the SRA course and I am now also an agent, www.desteniiprocess.com , this is super supportive and also gives me an income and this can be achieved by anyone participating so check it out.

And the practical way for this reality as a group is to change the money system, this can be checked out at www.equalmoney.org -

Stop giving up and see what can be done. It is all here and available and we all can do this as a group.

Study the material and get familiar with it all, once you have understanding it will be understood.

My Resistance to write/type is a lack of understanding.

I have come to see with myself that I have a resistance to typing and that I will easily give in to any other point of entertainment before typing, writing myself to freedom and to come to understand myself and this reality.

So i will now give to myself the understanding of why it is important to write and not create a resistance of any justification to why I cannot write or any reason of the mind, this is also a submission to the mind and the continuation of enslavement. Because I do not move myself to type or write means I am a slave to something ells that is moving and directing me.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist typing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see typing as taking my time where I could have done something ells such as watching a movie or looking at my internet channels,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get distracted from typing and writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not time my day in such a way that I give myself the time and complete focus to write and type without any distractions to create reasons and justifications to not type.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get lazy and simply not type at all some times and say i will type tomorrow, and this never happens.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep on postponing myself with in typing and writing myself to freedom and to lay everything out for myself with in typing and writing so that I can have clear understandings on all the points I am facing and to move through all the points effectively and not mind fuck myself with in keeping the points with in my mind as a memorie that I will simply later on lose and cannot trust when I recall it as something that will come back as a fading memory and thus I go into assuming and guessing instead of direct here to the point with in clarification.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself with in typing and writing for myself because I see that I have nothing new or more to say than what has already been said by others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to type and write about things that I assume other will find interesting and as entertaining to read, instead of writing for myself as myself to understand myself within the context of all life and what I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me as all equally and one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back on typing and writing myself out on the fear that I will be seen as ridiculous and silly on what I might write bout.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and judge the writings that I want to write about but never do as silly or ridiculous and that I might not get feedback on it or tell anybody anything new that can assist and support them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that everything that I write must only be interesting and entertain people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to type and write myself to freedom from the starting point of doing it only for other, I allow myself to do it for myself as all one and equal as life here BREATHE

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to write and type from the starting point of wanting to support and assist others, i allow myself to write for myself to support and assist myself and all life one and equal as me here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that when I type about a point that It will not come out right as what I mean to say or that I might not be specific enough to the point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged writing and typing as boring and only something for people that I have classified as nerds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have separated myself from other people that I have classified as nerds and thus I have limited myself to freely type as they do through the fear of being seen as a nerd.

I will definitely type more..

I see within myself that I actually have a shit load to type about especially SF and being extremely specific with in every point that comes up while doing it.

I bottle up to much which leads to many other side effect that is consequences and is to late as a play out.

Breathe.

Family, money, Desteni and myself

Is it worth losing giving up my family to stand up for equality and all life and to stop all the abuse in this world – YES

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can lose my family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself o fear the idea of having no family.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having my family as a financial save zone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have only loved my family for their support with money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself believe that I have loved them once. But as the truth is I loved the money they provided for me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for my family and that they are stuck with each other only because of money –
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for myself because I am stuck with family as a backup plan for a financial stability point
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish i did not have to rely on family for a financial stability point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having no money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stay within the fear of not having money instead of moving myself to become financially stable as myself within the system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move off the point of Family onto the point of money
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to believe that Family is anything more than money lol
to be continued....

Future SF

Monday, June 22, 2009 (11:19 PM)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future and what is to come I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the fututre I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I am to weak to handle the future I forgive myselffor accepting and allowing myself to far the future and what I have accpted and allowed to manifests as the future I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the future, creating myself to fear the fuutre I allow myself to take self responsability for the fuutre, here in breath as I walk. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through fearing the future, keeping me in a emotional state losing the here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed through and as the fear of the future I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the future as more than myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make sure the future happens as I fear it through feering it I stop Walk in breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through future projections

Rushing self, Not breathing

Rushing myself for others, because of the believe that I have to prove myself and show that I can do this immediately.
Instead stop, breath, move self here as the physical in breath in common sense which is best for all.
Also with in rushing myself I have found that I fuck up a lot according to what I see as fucking up, and immediately judge myself.
Instead breath stop, learn the lesson and do not take anything for granted, stop judgement, move self, forgive self unconditionally
The only solution is breath


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself for others, indicating self dishonesty participating in
the mind instead of here breathe

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself for others according to the believe of I have to

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to rush myself

I allow myself to slow down for myself, till I can completely trust myself in the physical as breath, not rushing and in that take things for granted and ‘fuck up’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I have to rush myself to prove myself to others
What is there to prove? The point of look at me I can do this immediately, and the right way. Fear of mistakes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in the fear of making a mistake, believing if I do it fast I will keep it simple and practical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in the starting point of fear, nervousness, anxiety, and stress

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself according to the emotion, feeling, and thoughts I am having.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take things for granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be gentle with myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the point of fucking up, instead of seeing it as unconditional support and assistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined certain things in my life as fucking up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from all the points that I fear fucking up within,
never taking these points into confederation unconditionally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself believing with in rushing myself I will void all the points’ witch I fear fucking up with in

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create polarity within the point of making mistakes or fucking up, seeing other things I do as right and as not fucking up, living in the save zone, creating an unsaved zone lol

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as polarity, rushing and slowing, instead of just breath here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself separate from all other things, wich is rushing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in comparison to other things and beings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in the starting point of comparing myself to
others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in wanting to prove to myself that I am better
than another being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in fear of being less than another being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live within separation of another being, fearing the being and
feeling I have to prove myself to that person, which I than access rushing through nervousness, and making a
mistake is inevitable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear slowing down for me, because I fear not trusting myself
with in slowing down, as getting things done

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear slowing down

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that trust is within moving fast or slowing down, instead
realizing self as trust with in all that is here in breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created an idea about slowing down, seeing slowing
down as not being able to get to all the things that needs to get done

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from time and all that needs to get done, wit in
this I have already lost

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see it as losing when not being able to get all tasks done in
time.

I stop, BREATH

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realize self here in breath through rushing self, rushing self will
only leave self in judgement, not taking all into consideration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take things for granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move as the mind, quantum time, which will only resemble in
self dishonesty as life

I stop

I allow myself to slow down for myself

I allow myself to not take things for granted

Breath