The physical suffers if you do not breathe

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

I went to the pumps at 9:34 in the morning to pump water which is all the way down by the river on the farm and my room is all the way up at the top of the farm lol, so it is about 200m to there and then back, I have to go to the pumps to switch it on and to open the one tanks valve at the bottom to fill up the dam for the animals and all the life there.

Now after doing this walking already for a whole week it is tiring and a lot of walking if one is not breathing effectively, so today at 12:20 when I went down to the pumps for the third time to close the valve for the one tank that is running into the dam I felt my body was exhausted and that I had a head ache and I was really heavy with in my whole physical expression and movement, this was really irritating especially in the heat.

After arriving at the pump and closing it I started walking back up (which is up hill) and I just could not I was out of breath and I was tired and I wanted to stop in the shade and just get myself a breath.

What caused this??

Answer: I was with in the mind walking towards a destination and I wanted to reach the destination immediately (this point causes stress fear and anxiety) because I did not like the current point I was at within the physical, thus with in my walk as the physical I was walking at a phase and with my head leaning forward (not in line with my body) and from my head leaning forward it caused tension on my neck which caused all the head ache and pain in my lower back which made me feel irritated heavy and like giving up with myself and as if I just wanted to stop. The whole experience took place because of one point as a thought and because I was not breathing here effectively. (the thought that started the whole experience was about me sitting in my room doing internet stuff)

What have I learned, well first of all I corrected myself within the moment and I aligned my head straight with my body as one here stable breathing, and I saw that I could not rush with in such a position but that I simply was here breathing and that I was aware of my environment and that I wasn’t hot and heavy at all, the head ache was gone and so was the back pain. WOW. So everything I was experiencing was a lie?? To myself from myself? Hahaha it is quite revealing if I look at it.

Now the other question is within how many other things in my life do I do this and am not aware of it and within this un awareness fucking up my physical body and the experience of myself here as one and equal within and as breath. God i am fucking up the world in such an experience of myself,

So once again breathing proves to be most effective.

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

I went to the pumps at 9:34 in the morning to pump water which is all the way down by the river on the farm and my room is all the way up at the top of the farm lol, so it is about 200m to there and then back, I have to go to the pumps to switch it on and to open the one tanks valve at the bottom to fill up the dam for the animals and all the life there.

Now after doing this walking already for a whole week it is tiring and a lot of walking if one is not breathing effectively, so today at 12:20 when I went down to the pumps for the third time to close the valve for the one tank that is running into the dam I felt my body was exhausted and that I had a head ache and I was really heavy with in my whole physical expression and movement, this was really irritating especially in the heat.

After arriving at the pump and closing it I started walking back up (which is up hill) and I just could not I was out of breath and I was tired and I wanted to stop in the shade and just get myself a breath.

What caused this??

Answer: I was with in the mind walking towards a destination and I wanted to reach the destination immediately (this point causes stress fear and anxiety) because I did not like the current point I was at within the physical, thus with in my walk as the physical I was walking at a phase and with my head leaning forward (not in line with my body) and from my head leaning forward it caused tension on my neck which caused all the head ache and pain in my lower back which made me feel irritated heavy and like giving up with myself and as if I just wanted to stop. The whole experience took place because of one point as a thought and because I was not breathing here effectively. (the thought that started the whole experience was about me sitting in my room doing internet stuff)

What have I learned, well first of all I corrected myself within the moment and I aligned my head straight with my body as one here stable breathing, and I saw that I could not rush with in such a position but that I simply was here breathing and that I was aware of my environment and that I wasn’t hot and heavy at all, the head ache was gone and so was the back pain. WOW. So everything I was experiencing was a lie?? To myself from myself? Hahaha it is quite revealing if I look at it.

Now the other question is within how many other things in my life do I do this and am not aware of it and within this un awareness fucking up my physical body and the experience of myself here as one and equal within and as breath. God i am fucking up the world in such an experience of myself,

So once again breathing proves to be most effective.

money and Self forgiveness

Money and Sf.

Money is that which feeds me, cloth me, bath me, gives me water and that which currently makes it possible to breath in other words to live.

I see with myself and the current situation that I am in with money, the fear of losing all that I have and money, the fear that it can be taken away from me in a second and so fast that if I do not have a back up then I am fucked this life, completely useless with in the current accepted and allowed reality that I live within this world with money.

It works the following way for a human to be able to survive and exist with in the system and have their own little heaven which is money, you have to go to school and have an education behind your name, this will most definitely not be enough as a standard education is simply the foundation to go to a collage and study something that is worth something in the system, in other words something that can make you and others that participate with in capitalism rich and live comfortable, such as lawyers and doctors and researchers and accountants and psychologists and electricians etc.

Then after you have got your degree it still isn’t enough you actually have to get employed with the degree that you have and you have to actually be good at what you do for people to accept you and allow you to make money, this is the simple basic structure and way that normal people have to go through and achieve to be able to be successful or to have a income that allows them to live.

None of the above can be achieved if you do not have money, so if you are within the situation to be able to achieve such educational level then that means your parents have done this before you and their parents before them so that you can be doing this because they all needed money for it all or they worked very hard to get money for you to have an education because they were in a position to be able to get work and work hard for the money so still money is on top of it all.

So now back to me, I find that I have achieved nothing in this life and that at this point I am pretty fucked within the line of education, I keep on trying to find quick and easy ways to do things to make money like playing the lotto or starting my own thing like creating a bug farm to sell the bugs to have a small income, or to breed with something that can make money, I can now say I see why there si such things as zoo’s and animal cruelty and why the shit exists that exist in relation to animal in equality and animal abuse where humans become brutal and mean and sickening towards animals because they all wanted to make money the easy way so why not capture animals and make money off them because it seems so easy, What human does not want to play god with animals, I mean you are giving a human another living being to fuck around with for money if you sell animals and so forth.

So now I am facing myself with in regret and shame and within hopelessness and fear and self pity because I see I have to do things that I do not want to do because it will take time, I have to redo my grade 10 grade 11 and do my grade 12, this requires money which I do not have and no one can really support me with money to do this because everyone is running out of money. The point that is pushing me is the fact that I am useless within the system and with in being able to apply myself practically within the system to do what is required to be done within the best interest for all. I have to gear myself up and equip myself with an education that will allow me to stand with in application in the system, and to be a voice for oneness and equality and an equal money system, to have the papers behind me that says I know what the fuck I am talking about so that others that has education can take me serious and for the law not to be held against me with in the absences of the rights(degrees or diplomas) to do what I am doing such as being a politician.

So I have to re design myself to become a effective being in the system, I have to deliberately equip myself with abilities to take on the current system that exists only as abuse and to stand for life, I need to let go of all the fucking bullshit that the mind is throwing at me such as worries and concerns and fears that neutralizes me if I participate with in it, instead I am writing this out and clearing myself to stand and take direction, not as an energy but as breath, I see I have to careful here for not going into energy because then the application will run in polarities, instead of breathing here relax and breath and apply.

Sf

I forgive myself for accepting and allo9wing myself to fear what I have to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing my grades over with in the starting point of what is best for all and to become as effective as I can within the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking the time to apply myself to become as effective as I can within the system through re doing my high school year.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only consider myself with in what I have to do thus I have fe3ar and concerns and worries

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to do what is needed with in what is best for all as my personality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to analyze my personality and to see whether my personality is equipped with a special program that can handle what needs to be done in relation to redoing my high school year.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate as the personality and thus as fear and as concerns and as morality

I allow myself to stand as principal and end the personality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having no money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear money and the make believe power I give it according to who I am as a personality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up from within the current money system as a being with the equipped skills and abilities to take action for life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking self responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to manifest within the space time that I have here on earth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing my high school years over because I fear that I might be wasting other peoples time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear wasting my own time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear wasting my money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear wasting my time which is money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that money is time, which it is in this physical reality, thus I cannot rely on time but only myself as breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste money through wasting my own time through not taking direction and self responsibility for what needs to be done and thus postpone and time loop and thus a compound effect takes place where I am at the current moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately postpone and time loop myself through giving into my fears and concerns and believes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear money and the grip it has physically on me with in reality and the current system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make money a problem instead of finding a solution and ending the money problem for the sake of all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on other to have money for me to use and to spend and for me to do things with instead of taking self responsibility while I can for the money situation with in my life so I can be effective with in what I do and thus do it to the best of my abilities for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting everyone down on earth that relies on me to bring forth a change even though they are not aware of us as destonians and what we do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame money for the things man does with it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for what I have accepted and allowed to exist within this reality as enslavement to our own creation as money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand as enslavement to money instead of standing up from within and as enslavement from money to equal money for all to free us from money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give upon myself through the thoughts and ideas I have created within money and how powerless I am with in the current money system and making money that will be sufficient with in supporting myself as Desteni.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be all negative about doing something that will take effort and time to become effective within the system of money and to do what is best for all.

I stop this fucking polarity within me and stand as principal and not mother fucking personality.

I forgive myself for accpepting and allowing myself to concern myself about what other think

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that what other think is relevant at all lol

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be concerned about if I will get permission to do what needs to be done or not, I give myself permission to do what is best for all as long as I am clear and standing with in the principal of oneness and equality and using common sense and self honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that all the money I have will be taken from me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that any money I have ever had belonged to me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself o make money my belongings and thus i enslave myself to it and the design of it all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate the idea of being dependant on other for money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the idea of being enslaved to money, thus hating the idea I am empowering the idea and thus I am accepting and allowing the enslavement of money and the abuse we humans cause with it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be self honest about the extent that money exist as within this reality and how we are alive because of money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blind myself with the idea that I am in control within my life with money, which is absolute self deception as everything that exist within my life is held together by money and if there is no money I will starve and die and so will all the beings such as animals and plant life that I have enslaved to be with me which became dependant on the money as I have as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be self honest with myself about the actual current situation we are within this reality in relation to money and what I have accepted and allowed to exist through ignorance and bliss.

I breath here,

I allow myself to become self honest with myself and take elf responsibility.

Future SF

Monday, June 22, 2009 (11:19 PM)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future and what is to come I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the fututre I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I am to weak to handle the future I forgive myselffor accepting and allowing myself to far the future and what I have accpted and allowed to manifests as the future I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the future, creating myself to fear the fuutre I allow myself to take self responsability for the fuutre, here in breath as I walk. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through fearing the future, keeping me in a emotional state losing the here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed through and as the fear of the future I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the future as more than myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make sure the future happens as I fear it through feering it I stop Walk in breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through future projections

Time your Creator

Time/ your creator

I feel myself falling behind time, with in this falling behind time I see all that is slipping through my fingers, slowly but surely, I see the past events reoccurring in the same way just different points, then I feel the regret and the compounding effect within me happening, of how I am the creator of this and how I am allowing this to exist, happen.

After I see and realize this point, I feel powerless against time, once the time is lost it is gone, never to be re taken or gained. It is over and gone I missed the point, and making peace with it seems to me like dishonesty, like if I make peace with what I have openly excepted and allowed to happen then making peace with it feels wrong, I feel I have to gain (Gian) it back. This is fear of consequences, fearing facing the same point over and over till there is an ultimate price to pay, which will indefinably happen, equal effect.

TC = Time Creates

This is a fact not a fear factor.

The time I have now is here. I have to let go of the past and what I have accepted and allowed. I make peace with this; this is the only way with in common sense to move oneself again, stop, breath and forgives self.
I am equal to time. Time is my creation, I can only fear time if I am in separation of time.

I am the clock, a clock never stops moving, why am I not moving- separation, seeing time more than myself, giving into the idea of time,

I stop. Breath is the only key, stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall behind time, separating myself from time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from time, with in this fearing time seeing it
more than me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear time and see it more than myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see time more than myself, I am the creator of time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking self responsibility for myself with in time as time,
constantly moving

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear moving myself as time, never stopping, equal to time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing equal to time, seeing it as hard work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist the fact that I have no choice to stand as time, the test of
time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have already lost within myself towards time, I stand up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take time for granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still worry about time, indicating fear and enslavement to time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a slave to time, not standing one and equal as time, in breath here as Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in time get lazy, participating in the mind, mental realities.
Quantum time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself with in quantum time in and as the mind, while in
the real reality the real time is creating, what I am missing and losing awareness of

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself, already creating the timeloop to face this point
again in time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret judging myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to out of fear do the self forgiveness, fearing the regret and
judgement will time loop me

I STOP here