Being productive.

Today as it was Sunday, I still see Sunday as a day when I just rest – just being a justification.
so I woke up an hour later and I really enjoyed it because I allowed myself to do something different than the usual routine.
But doing this everything ells in my environment also got influenced to the new change of my routine, this being the lizards and the parrot that I have to get out of the cage and that I have to turn the lights on for the lizards. An hour later for the animals would not really influence them as in harming them but yet if caused a point of not being consistent with in my application.
So i woke up and I turned the lights on but the parrot was awake and out of the cage already since he came to the bed and woke me up lol, so I went to my Pc and I turned it on and I connected my internet stick and I went on facebook and checked it and then I checked if my new YouTube video was up, which wasn’t and I still do not know why, but I decided to wait a bit more. It never came up lol, I will get it up tomorrow.
So then i wanted to eat something but there was nothing to eat at 10, I waited till lunch and ate some two minute noodles, I ate that and then I went to help with building the rack in the new store room, this took me about 35 min and then I went back to my room, i did some SF and I did some writing for myself,
What i wanted to do was do some more Back chat writings and i wanted to work on my Mind constructs more and I wanted to make a Video on War budgets and how much it costs and how many people can be fed with that budget and how in a equal money system would change everything etc.
And I wanted to work on the kitchen counters that I am building and I wanted to check up on all my SRA people for the desteni i process course, but yet I did not get to it all.
I saw at the end of daylight that I wasn’t productive at all for equality and and that did not apply myself in what is best for all, all because of one thought that I had in the morning “It is Sunday’ and obviously everything I attached to that word as definitions that enslaved me Lol brainwashed by myself.
And through all of this I can see how I at the end of the day have created a build up of anxiety because of not being productive and rather spending the time on stupid shit like watching movies all day or T.V series, that actually makes me feel more tired. And then it is time that I never can get back, that is gone in and as the physical, it is over and I spend it on nothing of value.
So my self honesty is, I do what I have to do everyday no matter what day it is and I get things that matter and that is important done, then once I have finished that which I could do for a day I can allow myself to watch a movie or a T.V series, and then I can still use those points as being productive as in writing about it and so forth.
I actually make a lot of things I say on facebook from what I see in the things I watch, pretty cool though.

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

I went to the pumps at 9:34 in the morning to pump water which is all the way down by the river on the farm and my room is all the way up at the top of the farm lol, so it is about 200m to there and then back, I have to go to the pumps to switch it on and to open the one tanks valve at the bottom to fill up the dam for the animals and all the life there.

Now after doing this walking already for a whole week it is tiring and a lot of walking if one is not breathing effectively, so today at 12:20 when I went down to the pumps for the third time to close the valve for the one tank that is running into the dam I felt my body was exhausted and that I had a head ache and I was really heavy with in my whole physical expression and movement, this was really irritating especially in the heat.

After arriving at the pump and closing it I started walking back up (which is up hill) and I just could not I was out of breath and I was tired and I wanted to stop in the shade and just get myself a breath.

What caused this??

Answer: I was with in the mind walking towards a destination and I wanted to reach the destination immediately (this point causes stress fear and anxiety) because I did not like the current point I was at within the physical, thus with in my walk as the physical I was walking at a phase and with my head leaning forward (not in line with my body) and from my head leaning forward it caused tension on my neck which caused all the head ache and pain in my lower back which made me feel irritated heavy and like giving up with myself and as if I just wanted to stop. The whole experience took place because of one point as a thought and because I was not breathing here effectively. (the thought that started the whole experience was about me sitting in my room doing internet stuff)

What have I learned, well first of all I corrected myself within the moment and I aligned my head straight with my body as one here stable breathing, and I saw that I could not rush with in such a position but that I simply was here breathing and that I was aware of my environment and that I wasn’t hot and heavy at all, the head ache was gone and so was the back pain. WOW. So everything I was experiencing was a lie?? To myself from myself? Hahaha it is quite revealing if I look at it.

Now the other question is within how many other things in my life do I do this and am not aware of it and within this un awareness fucking up my physical body and the experience of myself here as one and equal within and as breath. God i am fucking up the world in such an experience of myself,

So once again breathing proves to be most effective.

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

I went to the pumps at 9:34 in the morning to pump water which is all the way down by the river on the farm and my room is all the way up at the top of the farm lol, so it is about 200m to there and then back, I have to go to the pumps to switch it on and to open the one tanks valve at the bottom to fill up the dam for the animals and all the life there.

Now after doing this walking already for a whole week it is tiring and a lot of walking if one is not breathing effectively, so today at 12:20 when I went down to the pumps for the third time to close the valve for the one tank that is running into the dam I felt my body was exhausted and that I had a head ache and I was really heavy with in my whole physical expression and movement, this was really irritating especially in the heat.

After arriving at the pump and closing it I started walking back up (which is up hill) and I just could not I was out of breath and I was tired and I wanted to stop in the shade and just get myself a breath.

What caused this??

Answer: I was with in the mind walking towards a destination and I wanted to reach the destination immediately (this point causes stress fear and anxiety) because I did not like the current point I was at within the physical, thus with in my walk as the physical I was walking at a phase and with my head leaning forward (not in line with my body) and from my head leaning forward it caused tension on my neck which caused all the head ache and pain in my lower back which made me feel irritated heavy and like giving up with myself and as if I just wanted to stop. The whole experience took place because of one point as a thought and because I was not breathing here effectively. (the thought that started the whole experience was about me sitting in my room doing internet stuff)

What have I learned, well first of all I corrected myself within the moment and I aligned my head straight with my body as one here stable breathing, and I saw that I could not rush with in such a position but that I simply was here breathing and that I was aware of my environment and that I wasn’t hot and heavy at all, the head ache was gone and so was the back pain. WOW. So everything I was experiencing was a lie?? To myself from myself? Hahaha it is quite revealing if I look at it.

Now the other question is within how many other things in my life do I do this and am not aware of it and within this un awareness fucking up my physical body and the experience of myself here as one and equal within and as breath. God i am fucking up the world in such an experience of myself,

So once again breathing proves to be most effective.

Instant decision

Instant decision

Thursday night was my dishes night. I was doing dishes with a companion
As my companion asks me so what do you want to do? I replied well what do you feel like doing, and she replies back, I asked first? I stood there with a decision to make I said well I will wash if you do not feel like it?!?!?! Waa what the hell I couldn’t decide.

This was a simple question, and a simple decision I had to make. Not even a big one, I realized with in this, how am I able to decide what to do in the main stuff in this world if I cannot even make a simple decision about washing or drying dishes.

My companion turned and looked at me and said, Gian I have seen now a couple of times you make a decision based on a believe of what you think the other person doesn’t feel like doing. I saw this point clearly.

She told me then, look inside of yourself, and see what you prefer to do, not what you feel like doing, and then decide. She explained to me stand here in breath and see yourself doing dishes, and then see yourself drying the dishes.

I did this, it took me one breath and I told her, okay I want to do drying the dishes, and she said okay.
This felt wrong to me.

I told her that doing this feels wrong to me making a decision for myself.
I then told her that I saw this point and its really cool, I have never considered this and believed it to be wrong, I always make decisions for other people and what they would like doing, I would always take the crappy things to do, not what I prefer to do. I told her I always kind of saw myself as sacrificing myself for others, believing I am doing the right thing.

This was really a cool point in such a simple thing; I see this has to change.

SO Saturday came and we all on the farm went to the mall for shopping day, we have a shopping day each month on pay day, a few of us wanted to go to a different mall, where a specific movie was showing, and other went to the regular mall,

As we ( the few that wanted to go to a different mall) got dropped off at the mall we were all kind of ‘excited’ for the movie, we all went inside and talked about what we are going to do, first we wanted to check the time of the movie when it starts, and then we wanted to go and eat and drink some coffee.
So we went to the movies as we looked at the movies we saw it was closed up permanently, we all went what the fuck, OH NO! I stood there , breathed and looked inside myself I kind of felt like time travelling, into time, and I saw what was going to be the day at the mall, we were all going to be very grumpy and board just walking around for hours as we wait for time to go by till we got picked up. I stopped, I directed the situation very quickly, I told the person closest to me call the driver, let’s go to the other mall, as she calls the driver. The driver says okay I will come back and pick you up, the driver wasn’t very far away, and we waited like 1min outside till she showed up.

I appreciated myself allot for this. In that moment when I looked at the whole day in one breath and all the consequences and effects that could take place. I could have been quiet and let someone ells decide what to do, because of the thing I have about sacrificing myself for others through letting them make the decisions, and not considering myself, as to what I would prefer for myself to experience.

I am now going to do this every time in all the small things I do. When it is necessary, till I can trust myself with this.
I also saw the point that it is in the small things that the big things will be decided. Through your own physical participation.

Time your Creator

Time/ your creator

I feel myself falling behind time, with in this falling behind time I see all that is slipping through my fingers, slowly but surely, I see the past events reoccurring in the same way just different points, then I feel the regret and the compounding effect within me happening, of how I am the creator of this and how I am allowing this to exist, happen.

After I see and realize this point, I feel powerless against time, once the time is lost it is gone, never to be re taken or gained. It is over and gone I missed the point, and making peace with it seems to me like dishonesty, like if I make peace with what I have openly excepted and allowed to happen then making peace with it feels wrong, I feel I have to gain (Gian) it back. This is fear of consequences, fearing facing the same point over and over till there is an ultimate price to pay, which will indefinably happen, equal effect.

TC = Time Creates

This is a fact not a fear factor.

The time I have now is here. I have to let go of the past and what I have accepted and allowed. I make peace with this; this is the only way with in common sense to move oneself again, stop, breath and forgives self.
I am equal to time. Time is my creation, I can only fear time if I am in separation of time.

I am the clock, a clock never stops moving, why am I not moving- separation, seeing time more than myself, giving into the idea of time,

I stop. Breath is the only key, stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall behind time, separating myself from time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from time, with in this fearing time seeing it
more than me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear time and see it more than myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see time more than myself, I am the creator of time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking self responsibility for myself with in time as time,
constantly moving

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear moving myself as time, never stopping, equal to time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing equal to time, seeing it as hard work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist the fact that I have no choice to stand as time, the test of
time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have already lost within myself towards time, I stand up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take time for granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still worry about time, indicating fear and enslavement to time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a slave to time, not standing one and equal as time, in breath here as Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in time get lazy, participating in the mind, mental realities.
Quantum time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself with in quantum time in and as the mind, while in
the real reality the real time is creating, what I am missing and losing awareness of

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself, already creating the timeloop to face this point
again in time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret judging myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to out of fear do the self forgiveness, fearing the regret and
judgement will time loop me

I STOP here