I stopped playing with toys.BUT!!!

When i was 14 I was still playing with my toys, and at that age I was already in high school and I was one of the only kids that still did that, I was quite embarrased about it and never told anyone.

So one day I decided to stop, i placed all my toys away in boxes and I gave a lot away to kids I knew and I sold many of it at market days at school.

I remember How I used to play with my toys and they would talk to me and I would make them talk to eachother and fight eachother and play out story lines I saw on T.V. I know if anyone would have ahd to walk in on me playing with my toys they could have send me to a mental insitite for being delusional and playing with invisible freinds even some times - voices in my head.

so I stopped playing with toys and stopped talking out loud to myself and I started focussing on the real world stuff such as getting a girlfriend and going to the movies with my friends and to partys and to not play with toys. (not that that was real either at ALL)

BUT, not long after I stopped playing with toys I found out that the new way i chose to go with, was even more mentally ill - I found out my friends, teachers and my parents were all still playing with imaginary friends and they even had special names for them and shit.

They all even agreed on the existance of these imaginary friends and that they all will play with them and one day after death they will meet their imaginary friends, I was scared to be around these people, it was really creepy, i actually missed my toys because I could at least see them.

some nights I would walk in on my friends or family members only to find them on their knees talking to their imaginary friends, calling them names and asking for bycicles and a good life and for forgiveness.

I tried telling them many times that the people they are making up isnt real and that you cant place the faith of earth and the world in your imaginary friends hands and call it hope and faith.

man and i thought I had to be embarrased for playing with toys at the age of 14, if only they all could have seen themselves at their current ages. they never grew up and saw the real world and whats happening.

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Forgetting is no excuse.

Forgetting is no excuse.

This morning I woke up and went to horses to give Titan his Lucerne and then what I usually do is I go to the shed and get bird seed and feed the birds, this requires me and Leila each to have 8Kg of bird seed which is 4Kg per bird feeder and this is enough for them for the day.

Now as I got to the shed I saw that we only had 12Kg of seed left and this is a problem because now we are kind of out of seed, and for a point as such to manifest it had to be created through space and time within a couple of days of time and then accumulated to the ultimate consequences, all because I did not consider the physical and space time and that if I do not let someone know beforehand that we need seed we will run out and then we will have a problem.

Because all the birds on the farm has become dependent on us and giving them seed, plus the birds were never there so us giving them food allowed them to stay here, so now that I did not consider them and their reality in time and did not make preparations for the future of them and their lives which depends on me giving them seeds, I have placed them as great risk and this is un-acceptable.

So now someone has to get seed today, not tomorrow or the day after but today, and this creates a point of stress for me because I did not handle this properly and this is the second time this is happening.

Forgetting is simply not an excuse at all, I mean if someone now has to ask me so why did you forget then I will see with in myself that I cannot use any of the excuses I have created in my head and or validate any one of them because it is simply judgment or blame or pointing finger, so I saw and see that I had the eyes/ the moments and the physical here with me every time I went into the shed to get seed to see that the bird seed was getting less and there will be no magic that will bring seed into the shed and that i have to arrange before hand to get more before it runs out.

So No excuses and I see I am fully responsible for it all and that I have to fix is today and learn from my mistake, because if this was a day later and there were no food then birds would have died, because birds have a very fast metabolism and they fly they burn energy very fast and thus they require food daily nonstop till they go to sleep, thus if I forget seed I become a mass murderer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take simple physical considerations for granted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider space time with in and as the physical and how the outcome of things can be to create preventions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here with in and as breathe when I do and apply myself with in activities to be fully aware of the moment in consideration of all things here in the physical and to practically apply myself accordingly to be effective and self responsible for myself and my environment and my world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the consequences and the shame and regret of forgetting and place other beings at risk that trusted me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret

I allow myself to instead learn and understand and to through that change to what is best for all in and as the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself o give attention to the shame and regret instead of the lesson that must be learned, because that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking full responsibility for my actions and admitting them because I fear that I will be revealed as inconsiderate and abusive in nature.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing who i have accepted and allowed myself to become as a living robot that only moves and acts in its programmed way and not within each breath here one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hide from myself instead of facing the point in the physical and correcting it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing the physical with in correction,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to anticipate that the physical correction might be unpleasant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear unpleasantness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the mind instead of what is best for all.

I allow myself to correct myself.

I allow myself to take action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create situations of unpleasantness for myself through in considerations and ignorance of each moment here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make me as who i am as a un pleasant experience for myself.

Breathe

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The Witcher 2

The Witcher 2

WOW – I have been playing this new game (the Witcher 2) for a couple of hours now over the past three days, i haven’t put much time into it, but when I had lunch or when it is late night and everything here on the farm is coming to a day end I played a bit.

Now this game really looked awesome from the look of things, the graphics seemed cool, I was a bit worried that my PC would not handle the game but it did and it plays pretty good.

So as I started playing I had to follow a series of movies scenes etc. to follow up on the story of the game and then when it came to the point of me actually playing such as moving around in this new virtual world and doing things such as climbing and jumping and walking and looking around and picking things up I found it to be pretty fun and quite refreshing as it was simple.

Then I had my first mission where I had to fight – where I had to pull out my sword and start hacking away at other beings that is in the game seen as the enemy because we want to take their castle and win and obviously they do the same back at you.

So I found that as I started playing in the fighting mode that I got a bit irritated and frustrated and ended up getting really angry (surprisingly very quickly) because this game unlike all the hundreds of other games I have played in the past was actually difficult in fighting.

Usually with in other games when swords are pulled out and blood starts flowing it is easy, all I have to do is swing and when necessary press a button to let my health go up when it is low which hardly happens and then I win, feeling all powerful and godly and strong and in control and unstoppable.

NOT THIS GAME – I put the difficulty level on normal, there was an option for hard and insane and then easy.

I played on normal and within my first fight in this game I died, then I had to reload the whole thing again and watch the cinematic and then get to the fighting again, this was really annoying so I wanted to win just not to have to go over all the crap again just to do it again.

So I realized that this is actually quite a difficult game unlike others I have played, I actually with in this game have to focus and direct blow by blow and that I can with in this game die just as easily as my opponents if I do not direct.

In other games you as the player clearly have the advantage point in every fight, this time it was quite equal and difficult, I could not handle this, I went into complete frustration with the game, I stopped playing and went out to do something else to breathe.

Then I came back and realized that what i am experiencing isn’t what the game is making me experiencing it, I am only experiencing me as my own anger and that how I react or act out within myself I will do this in any situation, in real life or in a game, this was revealing because what if I did not have this game to reveal this point to me and I took this anger and frustration out on other beings when I would have had to face some situations.

In every fighting situation I would tense up and become so stressed in the battle in anticipation that I will die any moment that I was literally sitting with my back bent like a bow forward and my shoulders back and not breathing at all,

I almost punched my screen a few times instead I directed the bunch towards breathing it out. I stood still within myself and breathed and realized that the stress and frustration and anger isn’t making me win the battles and finishing the missions, so I might as well chill while doing it and do it over and over and over till it is done, the tress and frustration and anger isn’t necessary if I am going to do it over and over again,

So as I am with Desteni I applied the tools of self honesty and breathing with in common sense, the points of anger and frustration and extreme stress that is build up through emotion of not getting it, not getting the win, not making the mission, having to do it so many times and that I will probably never make it.

I stopped and I apply self forgiveness on the points.

SF.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get emotional when I see and feel that I am not getting something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place what I am experiencing as not getting it as a emotional and a negative charge with and as myself and thus compromise myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what I experience and place it as a negative experience as an emotion and thus create a build up with in myself that ultimately lead to stress/frustration and anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to relate getting angry/frustrated to the experience of not getting it and thus create an emotional charge with in myself and a resistance to go there again and face the point

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the point of not getting it (in general)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel powerless and frustrated and angry within the point of not getting it and create a resistance to go there and face the point

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a resistance of going there to face the point of not getting it and allowing myself to breathe in the moment, instead of stressing and getting angry and frustrated and all tensed up with in my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into the emotional experience that I have created through the experience of myself as angry/frustrated and stresses and create a rush within and as myself to get things done to not have t face the point one breathe at a time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself when I am with in an situation that I do not like and do not want to face or work on.

I allow myself to breathe with in such situations and not to tense myself up and stress myself out.

Within this I realize that when I tense myself up or go into any form of energy while playing the game or with in real life situations that is similar I am only compromising myself an in fact prolonging the point or mission or situation through fucking it up because I see and realize that I am with in a tense or stressed physical body full of build up emotion as anger and frustration that I cannot focus at all and get done what is needed to be done.

I am drinking water with this self forgiveness to purify my water as I release the information within me that I have stored with in my cells as memory.

I allow myself to relax my face. To relax my stomach and breathe, to relax my whole body and slowing down and realizing that this actually works and not the other way around.

Because i saw within the game at one point where I was having a boxing match with guards and hang men that I was losing a lot with these guys and I was in this complete energy possession or stress and tenseness, my body was cramping in my back fro, the tress because I have been doing that mission over and over for a while and it was just compounding within me, I got so pissed and angry I felt I could smash the walls in and melt metal with my anger at the game (myself).

Then I allowed myself to breathe and slow down, I saw then that I was missing the on button that they asked of me to push while in the fight, I could not see this button because I was freaking out lol. So when I breathed and relaxed and slowed down I was fucking amazed at how easy the fights became then, I enjoyed it and afterwards I went to the pub to get in fight just to do it for fun because if was so easy then lol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to underestimate the power of breathe here in each moment in each breath in complete focus and with no energy possessing my physical body

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when I go into energy that I might get something right and that I might have a change instead of realizing that I can actually instead of hoping and wishing direct the outcome through being here in breath in and as the physical.

I allow myself to correct myself as breathe and stop the energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give power to energy as the mind as back chat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have back chat in my head about the points that come up and thus create energy and a build up and thus I create the things I bitch about so much, instead of breathing and stopping the mind and the bitching in my head and direct the situations through breathing and focussing completely here and not with in the future as a certain outcome or in the past as memory and where I have been creating ideas, opinions and believes and rushing myself and going into energy shit.

I allow myself to breath and stop the blaming and stop the wining and I allow myself to be present here in each moment even if it means I have to do certain points a million times, every time will be new here completely and thus I can allow myself to learn and grow and see and thus correct and so on I can change.

This game has revealed a lot to me in a short while and I am grateful that the points was revealed as I wasn’t aware of the amount of frustration and hate and anger and stress that I exist of through such simple points as not getting it, not making it, not winning, not understanding, till this game came along and revealed me to me so I can stop the false image of myself as energy.

Physical here one and equal, games are physical, they might be bright and colourful and created from the mind from some other beings, yet we can play them in and as the physical so we might as well sue them in support with our process to see what points come up, obviously the starting point must be cleared and change to that which is best for all and used accordingly. Not to abuse.

For instance in games we can face points of conflict, points of reasoning and understanding what people give value to and attention as the reason for the games existence it based on what the majority with money demands thus it is created because someone can capital from it. Everyone gets sucker punched because the creators of the games use what they see kids and adults give attention to and as relevance and thus make a game with it all in it combined in one pack and so they make billions and everyone got sucker punched.

Check out an equal money system that will stop this abuse with in the starting point of games to feed of people and their secret minds and back chat and capital through it by exploiting it through games that lurks people in. And the fat cats get fatter.

My agreement and the know it all ego BS.

Agreement, the know it all point for males.

Problem

Being a male within an agreement has been challenging and still is, the male ego is really fucked up and has never been anything else than that.

I will share a simple point that all males must consider when entering an agreement and that is necessary for the agreement to flow more.

As a male I have had the experience with in the agreement ever since I started the agreement up until a couple of months ago the point of - I as the male know better than the women.

So this point that I was living and applying as me knowing better and more than the women really postponed me from learning anything new or from growing.

Whenever my partner brought up a point or a suggestion I would immediately have a counter conclusion/reason/argument/reaction and then I would say things that will make what my partner said seem less or as in valid.

So when I would for instance sit with my partner and we would do something on the P.C’s like making Photoshop stuff she would suggest something to me that I could do on the picture and instead of me going ok I will try it out and practice the point. I would go into NO I KNOW BETTER. Then i would give ten reasons why i was doing it the way I did it and why her idea would just make it bad.

This over times created a point in the agreement where my partner would simply not say anything.

I basically killed the expression and the softness and caring and the cute side of things and only tried sticking to serious manly things that would seem like I am a man that can handle my shirt and that I am tough and that what I make in photo shot is only cool and NOT cute.

And another simple point would be where we have taken many photos of the day and me and my partner would sit and start choosing the ones that we want to upload or use in videos, she would suggest all the expressive ones that had real character on it and an expression in it such as being funny or cute or nice, and then I as the male ego would say no it is not professional, people will not take it serious, we must take things that looks professional and specific.

Then again I end up choosing most of the pictures and next time my partner would simply start choosing pictures out without me and then I would get angry and not understand why and so conflict is created. As we all can see how it manifested through the male ego.

Correction

So now as a point of correction.

Every time I have to make a decision on something I ask my partner (Female) to make the decision for me as a yes or No answer.

This way I empower her and in the process I allow my male ego to be dissolved.

For example.
I want to buy a PsP (play station Portable) so before I do anything to buy it I go to my partner and I ask her straight forward, not in a controllable/manipulative/deceptive way if I can buy the Psp. She will ask me how much money do we have and I will tell her straight forward X amount. Then she will say Yes or No.

I accept any answer she gives me and I do it, no matter what reactions came up, no matter what reasons or back chat I made, i stop it and I breathe and I do as she said.

This count for all decisions I make and I include her in all of them and I follow her answer, because anything that I say I know will be my male ego.

So this is really a point of dedicating yourself to get the male ego out unconditionally. And in the process empower women, they have been suppressed for thousands of years and the male had their chance for thousands of years and look at where we are. We are fucked.

So test yourself if you are in an agreement for life and oneness and equality and ending the abuse, go to the male and with your partner and let her buy you a shirt and wear it no matter what, breathe.

If you add music to  video you are making ask your female partner do you think this music fits, if she says Yes or No then go with it and try something different, let her make suggestions or make many examples and let her choose.

Make a deal that you will make coffee whenever she asks you to, see if you as the male can handle that, breathe once again.

And if anything comes up and you are un able to breathe through it apply self forgiveness, make Mind construct and show her you have worked through it and you can move on.

So males it is time to stop the I know it all or I know best bullshit and let the E (energy) – go

if any questions leaf me a comment and I will reply or make a blog on it (about agreement)

www.equalmoney.org

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