Following your excitement is the shortest, fastest, straightest path.

OK so many people claim that this is the way, following only what excites you, and this way you will have a successful happy life.

first look at what makes it possible for something such as excitement to exist, a polarity point is needed. The polarity is boredom/apathy/absence of energy anyone of them. 

And obviously something in your life is creating both point of polarity as the root cause

So people that follow their excitement has a polarity existent somewhere in their life, this causes people to go to the limits, to try things to cheer them up and make them happy, usually people that are board and seeking excitement/energy – just like a drug addict that needs his next hit, will do anything for it. 

And as you always follow only what excites you, you will run out of thing that excites you, again just like a drug addict, first you start with weed, and then you go to stronger drugs. 

The excitement becomes a addition, and when the excitement isn’t here, you will experience the polarity in either one of the following boredom/apathy/absence of energy. And you do not want to experience the polarity; you have identified it as being bad, that something is wrong with you. So you seek the next point of excitement. 

At this point you are looking for a higher drug of excitement to suppress that which cause the polarity – the cause usually being Money, system life in general such as your job, your family problems, your relationships, and all your fears you walk around with. 

The excitement makes you forget all about it for a few moments. 

So as we can see, excitement is but only a way to hide and to not have to face the fear, the apathy or any other cause for it all. 

Excitement usually leads to a short path and a fast one, that part is correct but not as you would like it to be, many people die of heart attacks through the highs and lows of energy in the extremes that people participate with in, feeling board the one moment and in fear and the next you are jumping of building to follow the excitement, this is a electrical shock to the body and will cause harm in time. 

I myself used to do this, usually I found myself to be bored and wanted to do something that makes me feel alive, I used to go find the excitement in new relationships, first the hunt, then the catch, then letting the catch go, then again and again, I started developing heart problems from all the stress and tension I gained through all the moment s of excitements, and I was but 19 years old back then. 

I stopped this point of excitement later on as I gained the understanding of the polarities and how I am a slave to the energy of it, I applied Self Forgiveness on both points, the positive and negative. I realized with in this after applying the Self Forgiveness that I remain, with no energy, so I found that I could still exists without the energy and enjoy myself here as the physical one and equal. 

I searched for the excitement to feel alive mainly, not realizing that I am life and only yet, have to realize it.

I still find myself when in a state of fear or apathy that i go into excitement to suppress it, I usually take a quick run, or jump into the pool while its ice cold, or I play extremely with the dogs. I saw it as a release of getting rid of the fear etc, but in fact was simply suppressing it and putting more layers over it. 

So following your excitement as the shortest, fastest, straightest path is self deception as it is separation and enslavement to two polarities. 

The real point is to look at why you seek excitement and why you desire to rather suppress the apathy and boredom and fear, rather than changing the actual points that put the polarities into play. 

Even if you cannot now immediately change your life situation with money or family or whatever it is you hide from within extreme energy such as excitement (remember it’s no different from drugs), you can and must always first start with yourself. 

Because many people believe it is what you do that determines who you are. 

But in fact through actual physical consideration it cannot work like that, because for you to do something it must already exist within you, thus it is who you are that determines what you do.

So clear the inside, and the outside will clear through your application in time in the physical as the physical functions one and equal. 

I started with Desteni and the Desteni I process and on the Desteni forums through sharing reading and applying self forgiveness and reading the material there on how energy works and enslavement and the design of the human as systems and programming.

Photo respons on facebook SF

Wednesday, August 19, 2009 at 4:51pm
Photo on face book

So I posted a photo on face book and it seems to have made a stir on my face book page, people commented, and I like the photo, it is pretty cool, then after a while I go on face book I see my brother and my mother made comments on the photo, and this created reactions within me still indicating separation and fear towards my mother and what she has to say about me and, also I felt like fuck I did something wrong, I got my mother’s attention, so this indicated I am hiding from her and do not want to stir things to get her reaction and opinion about what I am doing, also I saw that I was glad that it was a good respond I got from my mother and not a bad one. And this is all just showing me that I still hold something against my mother, I feel it is hate and a dislike, and also that she stands as a thread for me, indicating she still has power over me.

Time to forgive Gain.
Enough is enough.
This is a subject that holds me back making me feel like I do not know how to push through this without using the mind and suppressing the point, I also see a desire within me to get rid of my mother. So that I can feel more free, on a subconscious level.
The question still runs in my mind what is the point that makes me still react to my mother in fear and anxiousness, like she can anytime make me stop what I am doing.
I see it’s simple

Morality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to suppress the subject and seeing it as not that important to do right now,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to the mind and the systems.
I stop
Breath
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react towards my mother, accepting and allowing my mother to have control over me, as the mother matrix system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself power away to reactions
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react towards my mother out of the fear that she can still control me or make me crash
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my mother’s words that she speaks and writes, seeing it as a mother’s point of view and that it is always what is best for you and the right thing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still see my mother as the one that knows what is right for me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my mother as the one that knows what is best for me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my mother as the one that truly cares for me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my mother as the one that knows the truth
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still feel that I own my mother my life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as my mother’s little boy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still feel like I am my mother’s son that needs her in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to my mother as me being her son
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my mother’s judgement as valid
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a kid in my mother’s eyes that knows nothing of this reality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as my mother’s fears
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my mother’s judgement validating what she says to exist within me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still live according to the idea my mother had about me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in such a way that I will not disappoint my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can fail my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as having to prove myself to my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I have to prove myself to my mother to not to have to face her again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as having to become someone create to prove my mother wrong with in me participating in process
I do process for me as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold myself back within myself because of my mother’s fear imprinted into me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold it against my mother for giving me her fears
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my mother for her fears and seeing it as stupid
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for having my mother’s fears
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my mother creating polarity between us and within me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the past and the experiences I had with my mother, the good and the bad ones
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see all the good experiences I had with my mother as nice times and that it is cool to hold on to it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to show morality towards my mother, from the starting point of she is my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not knowing who I might be without my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treasure my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate my mother from all other beings making her special with in my mind and thoughts
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike my mother for not participating in process with me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel responsible for my mother not standing up for life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold it against my mother that she is aware of process and that she is deliberately not participating
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from that
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mean towards my mother just because she is my mother and not some other being
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed of myself for all the things I have said towards my mother not taking full responsibility for what I have said
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have disregarded my mother as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret never having a fun time with my parents while being in process, always trying to show a different image and fighting, justifying it as standing up for life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stimulate my mother to not standing up for life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have stimulated my mother in a way that she will be spiteful towards me and never stand up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a believe of this and made an emotion about it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create feelings towards what I am saying
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the idea of my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the idea of myself from my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in fear towards my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act in fear towards my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my mother in fear of my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my mother as manipulation and control
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself as manipulation and control
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself through the eyes of my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up to my mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up to myself

I allow myself to stop
I allow myself to breath
I am here
I appreciate myself

I stand

Time your Creator

Time/ your creator

I feel myself falling behind time, with in this falling behind time I see all that is slipping through my fingers, slowly but surely, I see the past events reoccurring in the same way just different points, then I feel the regret and the compounding effect within me happening, of how I am the creator of this and how I am allowing this to exist, happen.

After I see and realize this point, I feel powerless against time, once the time is lost it is gone, never to be re taken or gained. It is over and gone I missed the point, and making peace with it seems to me like dishonesty, like if I make peace with what I have openly excepted and allowed to happen then making peace with it feels wrong, I feel I have to gain (Gian) it back. This is fear of consequences, fearing facing the same point over and over till there is an ultimate price to pay, which will indefinably happen, equal effect.

TC = Time Creates

This is a fact not a fear factor.

The time I have now is here. I have to let go of the past and what I have accepted and allowed. I make peace with this; this is the only way with in common sense to move oneself again, stop, breath and forgives self.
I am equal to time. Time is my creation, I can only fear time if I am in separation of time.

I am the clock, a clock never stops moving, why am I not moving- separation, seeing time more than myself, giving into the idea of time,

I stop. Breath is the only key, stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall behind time, separating myself from time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from time, with in this fearing time seeing it
more than me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear time and see it more than myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see time more than myself, I am the creator of time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking self responsibility for myself with in time as time,
constantly moving

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear moving myself as time, never stopping, equal to time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing equal to time, seeing it as hard work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist the fact that I have no choice to stand as time, the test of
time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have already lost within myself towards time, I stand up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take time for granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still worry about time, indicating fear and enslavement to time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a slave to time, not standing one and equal as time, in breath here as Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in time get lazy, participating in the mind, mental realities.
Quantum time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself with in quantum time in and as the mind, while in
the real reality the real time is creating, what I am missing and losing awareness of

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself, already creating the timeloop to face this point
again in time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret judging myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to out of fear do the self forgiveness, fearing the regret and
judgement will time loop me

I STOP here