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Showing posts with label repeating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label repeating. Show all posts

Monday, January 24, 2011

Battle star galactic and decisions ranting and raving.

Watching battle star galactic I have had a chance to throughout a couple of seasons and a bunch of episodes see how I experience myself and where I find judgment within the story and what is being done.

The major point for me that I saw was making decisions,

Each decisions that had to be made by bill would in fact influence the whole of humanity and the survival of all of humanity since they are the only people that escaped from caprice and now had the responsibility of surviving as a human race.

And all the people had to trust bill even though they do not know him personally or anything about him, they simply had to follow the orders that he gave and everyone had to apply the orders, there is not time to question each order because it could mean the death of all of the human race from caprice or the survival of them all.

Now what I have noticed with myself was how I would judge each decision that he made or that any other person with in the story had an influence on making or later on the decisions that the president came into also and made.

I found that I would judge the decisions and make better decisions that what they have made or so I make myself believe that my decisions are better lol, I would then tense up while watching how each decision would play out and the consequences of the play outs, now either way if it was a right or wrong decision there are consequences that played out and that all they really could do was deal with it through making more decisions with in a perspective of a solution, no one had the time or luxury of thinking negative or giving up or being all shitty because they could be the end of all human kind.

Now I saw that I had to let go of the judgments I made while watching the story and rather stand with in bill’s shoes or anyone that was making the hard ass decisions and see how they made it and why and see all the purposes and reasons and then I simply must not judge it as bad or good decisions but what works in the moment and that is needed to be done.

I saw that it worked like a casino,

When you go to a casino you take money with you and within the casino you have many choices of machines that you can play on, each choice of machine has a different way of presenting itself and how you can win, but they all work the same through putting in your money and pushing a button, so now it all depends on how much money you have because then you can play more choices of machines that can give you bigger prises if you win or you have to stick to the little machines where you might win little by little, but most of the time you win nothing, but you did gain a boost in hope, you had a boost of energy and that you could have won, but maybe next time, the few people that does win makes you want to win and have the energy they are gaining (money ) and thus you come back next time.

Now this is the other part, this part is the decision part, when you go into a casino to play the game to win or lose you constantly need to make a decision that how much are you willing to bet, because the more you bet the more you can win, but you can then also lose a shit load more, but if you win you are home free, or are you going to play for only a bit, and with a lot of hope, I mean in a casino if you lose money it is gone and you are fucked and if you win, well it goes the other way.

So now you have a crew (family) and you have to make the decisions, the hard ones and you have to really take the risk because it is all on you no matter which way it goes, if you make a decision to play all your money and you win (this is where bill had to go against everything the crew said or the president and make a military call that seemed so wrong), the Family will love you and cheer you and be there for you, but if you lose the family will hate you and resent you and be really pissed at you, but still it is one decision that goes both ways.

I see Battle star Galactica as a casino – with in every decision they make on the story they can either win or lose and they have to make many big bets and many small ones to get the big ones. And so i see that within each decision it will be best to be self honest and use common sense and apply 1 + 1 = 2. To not judge at all as what is right or wrong but what the fuck works, it is time to let go of the morality

The current system is a casino and we all are playing it daily, either you wake up luck or not, you can be killed by a bus passing the street or die of old age, who knows unless you become certainty and stop the casino game, battle star galactic shows how the casino game is played with in the politics and the military and the civilians and all the bullshit on a smaller scale. Instead of keeping it simple.

Simple would have been to make a decision to firstly unite all the people as one thing between all the ships, not having separate governments and shit, to care for each other and to in spite of everything be unconditional towards each other and fucking change, I mean they all live on ships in space with limited stuff and still they disregard each other and prefer to play games.

Stop hating the fucking cylons (machines and the system that is created in the humans own image and likeness as enslavement) and stand one and equal as them and change from there on, I mean even after the cylons try to live together the humans still rebel instead of learning the lessons.

Well I will end here; this was a cool rant and rave for me,

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The ONE

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 (11:03 PM)
(I'm Here)

I am at this stage 19, and as far as I can remember all through my life I had this Idea about myself, an idea that I am special, and the one to save someone or even the world.

Through this believe I limited myself, I waited for that moment, the special moment when the world will need me and I will rise up and save people. and this played out in my relationships, I always got the girls that were broken, and I became their savior, The one.

This is unacceptable. 6 billion people on this earth, each one believing they are the ONE in some way, and this makes them special, EGO=eco.

I lived like this, it brought me nowhere and nothing, I left school and became a waiter, waiting to be the One, special

I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for .accepting and allowing myself to define myself and everything I have experienced so far according to my age

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my age as special

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach things to my age

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through seeing myself as the age I am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my age

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to my age

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept limitation through my age

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am limited according to my age

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my age as a justification within the actions I take

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my date of birth as special and meaningful

Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through using the mind in remembering things

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to remember things as memories and
thoughts to see the past, that is always here in common sense

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through remembering things, past

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the past, therefore I have to remember things, instead of standing here as the past, no separation

Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to an idea of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to have an idea about myself in order to survive

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to survive,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as an idea about myself, separating me from me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea about myself because I fear the real me and the truth of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide the truth of me from me because I fear the truth, therefore I create an idea about myself to comfort myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living as the real me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing alone for living the real me and not an idea of myself, as I perceive others would prefer me to be

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to the idea others want me to be

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to the idea of the world, out of fear being different and real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being different

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being the real me means different

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other beings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treasure the idea I have about myself, allowing me to live in a way where I can lose something

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through living according to an idea and tiring myself out through carrying this idea around with me every day

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tire myself out through trying to achieve the idea I have about myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a projection of myself as an idea

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear just being here in breath, nothing special.

Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is possible to save someone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blinded by my projected purpose

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for saving someone, not realizing I have to save myself first, purifying self through self forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need saving

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe someone ells needs saving

I forgive myself for not realizing that it is imposable to save someone,, and that I can only assist and support other beings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make it my life purpose to try and save someone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to save someone to validate my existence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can save myself through saving someone ells

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to lay Jesus super star

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to save someone els through self interest

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from other beings therefore I feel the need to save them and become someone special in their eyes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through wanting to save someone, not realizing I am actually suppressing what is going on,

I forgive myself for not being unconditional towards people and supporting then as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing limitation through separation

Breath

I forgive myself
I allow myself to stand

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Rushing self, Not breathing

Rushing myself for others, because of the believe that I have to prove myself and show that I can do this immediately.
Instead stop, breath, move self here as the physical in breath in common sense which is best for all.
Also with in rushing myself I have found that I fuck up a lot according to what I see as fucking up, and immediately judge myself.
Instead breath stop, learn the lesson and do not take anything for granted, stop judgement, move self, forgive self unconditionally
The only solution is breath



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself for others, indicating self dishonesty participating in
the mind instead of here breathe

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself for others according to the believe of I have to

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to rush myself

I allow myself to slow down for myself, till I can completely trust myself in the physical as breath, not rushing and in that take things for granted and ‘fuck up’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I have to rush myself to prove myself to others
What is there to prove? The point of look at me I can do this immediately, and the right way. Fear of mistakes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in the fear of making a mistake, believing if I do it fast I will keep it simple and practical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in the starting point of fear, nervousness, anxiety, and stress

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself according to the emotion, feeling, and thoughts I am having.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take things for granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be gentle with myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the point of fucking up, instead of seeing it as unconditional support and assistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined certain things in my life as fucking up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from all the points that I fear fucking up within,
never taking these points into confederation unconditionally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself believing with in rushing myself I will void all the points’ witch I fear fucking up with in

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create polarity within the point of making mistakes or fucking up, seeing other things I do as right and as not fucking up, living in the save zone, creating an unsaved zone lol

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as polarity, rushing and slowing, instead of just breath here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move myself separate from all other things, wich is rushing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in comparison to other things and beings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in the starting point of comparing myself to
others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in wanting to prove to myself that I am better
than another being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself with in fear of being less than another being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live within separation of another being, fearing the being and
feeling I have to prove myself to that person, which I than access rushing through nervousness, and making a
mistake is inevitable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear slowing down for me, because I fear not trusting myself
with in slowing down, as getting things done

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear slowing down

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that trust is within moving fast or slowing down, instead
realizing self as trust with in all that is here in breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created an idea about slowing down, seeing slowing
down as not being able to get to all the things that needs to get done

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from time and all that needs to get done, wit in
this I have already lost

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see it as losing when not being able to get all tasks done in
time.

I stop, BREATH

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realize self here in breath through rushing self, rushing self will
only leave self in judgement, not taking all into consideration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take things for granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move as the mind, quantum time, which will only resemble in
self dishonesty as life

I stop

I allow myself to slow down for myself

I allow myself to not take things for granted

Breath