I stopped playing with toys.BUT!!!

When i was 14 I was still playing with my toys, and at that age I was already in high school and I was one of the only kids that still did that, I was quite embarrased about it and never told anyone.

So one day I decided to stop, i placed all my toys away in boxes and I gave a lot away to kids I knew and I sold many of it at market days at school.

I remember How I used to play with my toys and they would talk to me and I would make them talk to eachother and fight eachother and play out story lines I saw on T.V. I know if anyone would have ahd to walk in on me playing with my toys they could have send me to a mental insitite for being delusional and playing with invisible freinds even some times - voices in my head.

so I stopped playing with toys and stopped talking out loud to myself and I started focussing on the real world stuff such as getting a girlfriend and going to the movies with my friends and to partys and to not play with toys. (not that that was real either at ALL)

BUT, not long after I stopped playing with toys I found out that the new way i chose to go with, was even more mentally ill - I found out my friends, teachers and my parents were all still playing with imaginary friends and they even had special names for them and shit.

They all even agreed on the existance of these imaginary friends and that they all will play with them and one day after death they will meet their imaginary friends, I was scared to be around these people, it was really creepy, i actually missed my toys because I could at least see them.

some nights I would walk in on my friends or family members only to find them on their knees talking to their imaginary friends, calling them names and asking for bycicles and a good life and for forgiveness.

I tried telling them many times that the people they are making up isnt real and that you cant place the faith of earth and the world in your imaginary friends hands and call it hope and faith.

man and i thought I had to be embarrased for playing with toys at the age of 14, if only they all could have seen themselves at their current ages. they never grew up and saw the real world and whats happening.

www.equalmoney.org
www.desteniiprocess.com
www,desteni.co.za

My Resistance to write/type is a lack of understanding.

I have come to see with myself that I have a resistance to typing and that I will easily give in to any other point of entertainment before typing, writing myself to freedom and to come to understand myself and this reality.

So i will now give to myself the understanding of why it is important to write and not create a resistance of any justification to why I cannot write or any reason of the mind, this is also a submission to the mind and the continuation of enslavement. Because I do not move myself to type or write means I am a slave to something ells that is moving and directing me.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist typing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see typing as taking my time where I could have done something ells such as watching a movie or looking at my internet channels,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get distracted from typing and writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not time my day in such a way that I give myself the time and complete focus to write and type without any distractions to create reasons and justifications to not type.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get lazy and simply not type at all some times and say i will type tomorrow, and this never happens.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep on postponing myself with in typing and writing myself to freedom and to lay everything out for myself with in typing and writing so that I can have clear understandings on all the points I am facing and to move through all the points effectively and not mind fuck myself with in keeping the points with in my mind as a memorie that I will simply later on lose and cannot trust when I recall it as something that will come back as a fading memory and thus I go into assuming and guessing instead of direct here to the point with in clarification.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself with in typing and writing for myself because I see that I have nothing new or more to say than what has already been said by others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to type and write about things that I assume other will find interesting and as entertaining to read, instead of writing for myself as myself to understand myself within the context of all life and what I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me as all equally and one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back on typing and writing myself out on the fear that I will be seen as ridiculous and silly on what I might write bout.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and judge the writings that I want to write about but never do as silly or ridiculous and that I might not get feedback on it or tell anybody anything new that can assist and support them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that everything that I write must only be interesting and entertain people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to type and write myself to freedom from the starting point of doing it only for other, I allow myself to do it for myself as all one and equal as life here BREATHE

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to write and type from the starting point of wanting to support and assist others, i allow myself to write for myself to support and assist myself and all life one and equal as me here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that when I type about a point that It will not come out right as what I mean to say or that I might not be specific enough to the point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged writing and typing as boring and only something for people that I have classified as nerds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have separated myself from other people that I have classified as nerds and thus I have limited myself to freely type as they do through the fear of being seen as a nerd.

I will definitely type more..

I see within myself that I actually have a shit load to type about especially SF and being extremely specific with in every point that comes up while doing it.

I bottle up to much which leads to many other side effect that is consequences and is to late as a play out.

Breathe.

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

I went to the pumps at 9:34 in the morning to pump water which is all the way down by the river on the farm and my room is all the way up at the top of the farm lol, so it is about 200m to there and then back, I have to go to the pumps to switch it on and to open the one tanks valve at the bottom to fill up the dam for the animals and all the life there.

Now after doing this walking already for a whole week it is tiring and a lot of walking if one is not breathing effectively, so today at 12:20 when I went down to the pumps for the third time to close the valve for the one tank that is running into the dam I felt my body was exhausted and that I had a head ache and I was really heavy with in my whole physical expression and movement, this was really irritating especially in the heat.

After arriving at the pump and closing it I started walking back up (which is up hill) and I just could not I was out of breath and I was tired and I wanted to stop in the shade and just get myself a breath.

What caused this??

Answer: I was with in the mind walking towards a destination and I wanted to reach the destination immediately (this point causes stress fear and anxiety) because I did not like the current point I was at within the physical, thus with in my walk as the physical I was walking at a phase and with my head leaning forward (not in line with my body) and from my head leaning forward it caused tension on my neck which caused all the head ache and pain in my lower back which made me feel irritated heavy and like giving up with myself and as if I just wanted to stop. The whole experience took place because of one point as a thought and because I was not breathing here effectively. (the thought that started the whole experience was about me sitting in my room doing internet stuff)

What have I learned, well first of all I corrected myself within the moment and I aligned my head straight with my body as one here stable breathing, and I saw that I could not rush with in such a position but that I simply was here breathing and that I was aware of my environment and that I wasn’t hot and heavy at all, the head ache was gone and so was the back pain. WOW. So everything I was experiencing was a lie?? To myself from myself? Hahaha it is quite revealing if I look at it.

Now the other question is within how many other things in my life do I do this and am not aware of it and within this un awareness fucking up my physical body and the experience of myself here as one and equal within and as breath. God i am fucking up the world in such an experience of myself,

So once again breathing proves to be most effective.

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

The physical suffers if you do not breathe

I went to the pumps at 9:34 in the morning to pump water which is all the way down by the river on the farm and my room is all the way up at the top of the farm lol, so it is about 200m to there and then back, I have to go to the pumps to switch it on and to open the one tanks valve at the bottom to fill up the dam for the animals and all the life there.

Now after doing this walking already for a whole week it is tiring and a lot of walking if one is not breathing effectively, so today at 12:20 when I went down to the pumps for the third time to close the valve for the one tank that is running into the dam I felt my body was exhausted and that I had a head ache and I was really heavy with in my whole physical expression and movement, this was really irritating especially in the heat.

After arriving at the pump and closing it I started walking back up (which is up hill) and I just could not I was out of breath and I was tired and I wanted to stop in the shade and just get myself a breath.

What caused this??

Answer: I was with in the mind walking towards a destination and I wanted to reach the destination immediately (this point causes stress fear and anxiety) because I did not like the current point I was at within the physical, thus with in my walk as the physical I was walking at a phase and with my head leaning forward (not in line with my body) and from my head leaning forward it caused tension on my neck which caused all the head ache and pain in my lower back which made me feel irritated heavy and like giving up with myself and as if I just wanted to stop. The whole experience took place because of one point as a thought and because I was not breathing here effectively. (the thought that started the whole experience was about me sitting in my room doing internet stuff)

What have I learned, well first of all I corrected myself within the moment and I aligned my head straight with my body as one here stable breathing, and I saw that I could not rush with in such a position but that I simply was here breathing and that I was aware of my environment and that I wasn’t hot and heavy at all, the head ache was gone and so was the back pain. WOW. So everything I was experiencing was a lie?? To myself from myself? Hahaha it is quite revealing if I look at it.

Now the other question is within how many other things in my life do I do this and am not aware of it and within this un awareness fucking up my physical body and the experience of myself here as one and equal within and as breath. God i am fucking up the world in such an experience of myself,

So once again breathing proves to be most effective.

Mr nice and bad guy masks, SF

Mr nice and bad guy masks SF

Being the nice guy is being the bad guy.

I experience with myself that when I am being nice or polite to people I am accepting and allowing them to abuse me and to deceive me with in my own politeness and niceness, because once I have gone nice towards a person with in a conversation I cannot suddenly turn bad as being harsh and mean because I have already given them the permission to speak out their own opinion as if it is right and justifiable through being polite about the point in the beginning, thus i am literally fucking the point up from standing up and saying what makes common sense and to stop the abuse and self deception.

I have experienced this point a couple of times when talking-to people over facebook about religion and believes, I would start off with making a comment on the facebook page and someone would say that who am I to judge their religion or believe and then I would react with in seeing such comment and finding it as an attack and thus I go into being polite to not have to face the point of conflict.

So then I would say I am not judging i am simply revealing the deception and showing all common sense, and then the other person sees that I am being polite they use this as a way to see if they can convert me or get me to understand their ways and their opinions and then after they have replied back I cannot stand and say stop because this will cost the chance that that being has of seeing the Desteni message because of my irresponsible actions that I have taken within the moment of ego and energy.

So I see when I speak with people about something I have to simply breath and not go into nice or man or attacking of fleeing, I have to stand with in absolute with in what I am saying and as principal, I cannot use nice as a way to manipulate the situation because I have and will always be last and be taken advantage of, and I can also not YET become the bad, mean guy because I do this from a starting point of reaction and become possessed with the energies and this is where I lose control and might black out which I find happens.

Breath is at most important and to stay as breath and standing as the principal with in breath and only speaking the principal and living the principal is required and quite dame effective, wonderful I may add lol, I have done this within breath with in tight situations in town a few times and I have to say it is really effective. Oneness and equality and what is best for all, self honesty and common sense.

SF

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be the nice guy to be liked and to be able to have people manipulated to my will and what I want and need to get done, thus with in this possessed state I am also allowing the polarity to brew and grow within me as frustration and irritation and self hatred and anger because i believe to perceive that what I am getting for what I am giving is unfair, being nice but everyone is mean and dis respectful back to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear simply to be here and act and direct with in self honesty with in common sense and that which is best for all, not trusting myself as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put on the mask of mister nice guy because of the lack of self trust and relying on hope that the mister nice guy mask will get things done for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself believe that the mister nice guy mask will get things done for me all the time and thus relying on hope instead of simply trusting myself and standing as me here within and as the principal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live within the mind construct of hope and thus have created a mask that I can wear called mister nice guy that always hope his niceness will get things done for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put my trust with in a programmed fake face that I have programmed myself through past experienced where the fake face worked and thus not place my trust with in the hope of that the fake face will work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on memory and what I have experienced within the past as working for me as to using a fake face called mister nice guy face to manipulate the outcome of situations and hope for the best which is totally self deception because hope is a delusion and a self created comfort for the mind to hide behind instead of taking action and making something happen and work through self responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify myself and my self value and self trust as the mister nice guy mask that was designed and created from the starting point of lack of self trust and self value as life here one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to use the self created mask called mister nice guy to abuse and to manipulate and to hide behind to not have to take self responsibility for this reality and what I have accepted and allowed to exist within this reality through money to have placed me within situations where I have to use such a mask.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself o fear letting go of the mister nice guy bullshitter face

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I am without the mister nice guy and mister bad guy faces.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear walking through the fears and insecurities that I have hidden and suppressed behind the mister nice guy mask and which i abuse through the mister bad ass mask.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear thorouging the mister nice guy mask away and allow myself to let others see who I really am without participating with in polarities as energy but as principal here one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown once I have allowed myself to within moments when the point is here and representing itself to let go of the energy that frightens me and then I place my mister nice guy mask on to hide instead of facing self and taking self responsibility to breath through he point and stand with in and as the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not knowing who I am without my personality that protects me as the mister nice guy and mister mean bad guy masks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that It will take effort to get through these points instead of simply breathing here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the response of others and their reactions and what their reactions might be towards me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have already created an idea with in my mind of how and who I will be without my mister nice guy and bad guy masks and thus I have already created another personality already to be a back up to hide my fears and insecurities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create back up for in case I cannot stand, with in the in case I have already fallen within me and thus I am not breathing effectively and fearing the future moment and scenarios that might occur.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with in the mind as if it is valid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with in future projection as ideas and self opinionated believe system that is designed and created according to my specific insecurities and fear to make it all sound valid and as if I will not make it and not stand,

I stop this

I allow myself to breath I am here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the fear of the future as a picture with in my mind according o what I want to fear to be able to validate my fear and thus participate with in the physical applications to avoid the fear and thus create it with in my reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wonder off from the point I am working on instead of staying focussed here to the point.

I allow myself to correct myself here one and equal

I breathe in, ....................................out