Changing with in fear,

Thursday, June 25, 2009 (3:09 AM) (I'm feeling Breath)

Changing with in fear and not actuality I have observed myself today and saw a point of where I change myself with in the agreement from the starting point of fear. Fear of fucking up Fear of creating conflict Fear of facing shit within the agreement Fear of losing the agreement Fear of not being in an agreement Fear of hurting Leila (Agreement= 2 beings walking alone with each other as life one and equal, supporting and assisting each other as themselves) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change from the starting point of agreement and not one and equal I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change with in the starting point of fear I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change myself for Leila and not for me to stand as life here in breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change from the point of keeping Leila happy I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to fear changing for Leila because it will mean me giving up myself as I know myself to be through believes ideas and opinions (systems) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through changing with in the starting point of fear I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through fear of fucking up I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the point of fucking up I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up, out of the believe that II can harm another and face the consequences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to for consequences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from all consequences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self responsibility for what I have created through participating with in the mind I stop in breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up, through the believe that I have to get something right the first time I forgive myself for not appreciating all my fuckups, through them I learn and forgive, and change in breathe, and gain more awareness and common sense I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up, through the believe that I have to prove myself to others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to prove myself to others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the need to prove something to someone, through going in to the polarity when they complement me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up because I fear the unknown I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a believe about myself that I fear the unknown I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the polarity with in fear the unknown through participating in the known all the time, limiting myself with in my believes I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe there is an unknown I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the unknown, creating the unknown, lol I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that witch I create myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the agreement I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put value in the agreement I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to see the agreement as more than what it is I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to fix the agreement I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see something wrong with in the agreement, from past relationship experiences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play out the bullshit from past relationships with in the agreement seeing it as important I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear things that happened with in my past experiences in relationships, to happen within the agreement, making a relationship out of the agreement. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a relationship out of the agreement, comparing them to each other, not allowing change and overcoming of limitations I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare Leila to all the girls I ever had I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself with in the agreement, through comparing Leila to all the girls I went out with before I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire for Leila to be like all the girls I went out with, attached to me, caring for only me, committed to do anything for me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through these ideas and hopes and desires, not seeing that is what I actually desire from myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be unconditional towards myself, seeking it with in others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek commitment from others, instead of being committed to myself as life one and equal I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from commitment, seeking it with in others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through seeking commitment, instead of being it in breath here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear commitment from myself because I look down on myself, as less than others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as less than others, limiting myself within who I am committed to myself as life I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from self commitment, trying to find it with in others, and fearing standing alone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing alone, not being committed to myself as life I forgive myself Breath