Future SF

Monday, June 22, 2009 (11:19 PM)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future and what is to come I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the fututre I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I am to weak to handle the future I forgive myselffor accepting and allowing myself to far the future and what I have accpted and allowed to manifests as the future I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the future, creating myself to fear the fuutre I allow myself to take self responsability for the fuutre, here in breath as I walk. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through fearing the future, keeping me in a emotional state losing the here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed through and as the fear of the future I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the future as more than myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make sure the future happens as I fear it through feering it I stop Walk in breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through future projections

The ONE

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 (11:03 PM) (I'm Here)

I am at this stage 19, and as far as I can remember all through my life I had this Idea about myself, an idea that I am special, and the one to save someone or even the world. Through this believe I limited myself, I waited for that moment, the special moment when the world will need me and I will rise up and save people. and this played out in my relationships, I always got the girls that were broken, and I became their savior, The one. This is unacceptable. 6 billion people on this earth, each one believing they are the ONE in some way, and this makes them special, EGO=eco. I lived like this, it brought me nowhere and nothing, I left school and became a waiter, waiting to be the One, special I forgive myself. I forgive myself for .accepting and allowing myself to define myself and everything I have experienced so far according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my age as special I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach things to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through seeing myself as the age I am I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept limitation through my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am limited according to my age I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my age as a justification within the actions I take I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my date of birth as special and meaningful Breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through using the mind in remembering things I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to remember things as memories and thoughts to see the past, that is always here in common sense I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through remembering things, past I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the past, therefore I have to remember things, instead of standing here as the past, no separation Breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to an idea of myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to have an idea about myself in order to survive I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to survive, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as an idea about myself, separating me from me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea about myself because I fear the real me and the truth of myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide the truth of me from me because I fear the truth, therefore I create an idea about myself to comfort myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living as the real me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing alone for living the real me and not an idea of myself, as I perceive others would prefer me to be I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to the idea others want me to be I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live according to the idea of the world, out of fear being different and real I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being different I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being the real me means different I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other beings I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treasure the idea I have about myself, allowing me to live in a way where I can lose something I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through living according to an idea and tiring myself out through carrying this idea around with me every day I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tire myself out through trying to achieve the idea I have about myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a projection of myself as an idea I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear just being here in breath, nothing special. Breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is possible to save someone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blinded by my projected purpose I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for saving someone, not realizing I have to save myself first, purifying self through self forgiveness I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need saving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe someone ells needs saving I forgive myself for not realizing that it is imposable to save someone,, and that I can only assist and support other beings I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make it my life purpose to try and save someone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to save someone to validate my existence I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can save myself through saving someone ells I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to lay Jesus super star I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to save someone els through self interest I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from other beings therefore I feel the need to save them and become someone special in their eyes I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through wanting to save someone, not realizing I am actually suppressing what is going on, I forgive myself for not being unconditional towards people and supporting then as me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing limitation through separation Breath I forgive myself I allow myself to stand

Changing with in fear,

Thursday, June 25, 2009 (3:09 AM) (I'm feeling Breath)

Changing with in fear and not actuality I have observed myself today and saw a point of where I change myself with in the agreement from the starting point of fear. Fear of fucking up Fear of creating conflict Fear of facing shit within the agreement Fear of losing the agreement Fear of not being in an agreement Fear of hurting Leila (Agreement= 2 beings walking alone with each other as life one and equal, supporting and assisting each other as themselves) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change from the starting point of agreement and not one and equal I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change with in the starting point of fear I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change myself for Leila and not for me to stand as life here in breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change from the point of keeping Leila happy I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to fear changing for Leila because it will mean me giving up myself as I know myself to be through believes ideas and opinions (systems) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through changing with in the starting point of fear I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through fear of fucking up I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the point of fucking up I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up, out of the believe that II can harm another and face the consequences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to for consequences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from all consequences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self responsibility for what I have created through participating with in the mind I stop in breath I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up, through the believe that I have to get something right the first time I forgive myself for not appreciating all my fuckups, through them I learn and forgive, and change in breathe, and gain more awareness and common sense I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up, through the believe that I have to prove myself to others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to prove myself to others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the need to prove something to someone, through going in to the polarity when they complement me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fucking up because I fear the unknown I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a believe about myself that I fear the unknown I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the polarity with in fear the unknown through participating in the known all the time, limiting myself with in my believes I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe there is an unknown I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the unknown, creating the unknown, lol I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that witch I create myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the agreement I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put value in the agreement I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to see the agreement as more than what it is I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to fix the agreement I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see something wrong with in the agreement, from past relationship experiences I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play out the bullshit from past relationships with in the agreement seeing it as important I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear things that happened with in my past experiences in relationships, to happen within the agreement, making a relationship out of the agreement. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a relationship out of the agreement, comparing them to each other, not allowing change and overcoming of limitations I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare Leila to all the girls I ever had I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself with in the agreement, through comparing Leila to all the girls I went out with before I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire for Leila to be like all the girls I went out with, attached to me, caring for only me, committed to do anything for me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through these ideas and hopes and desires, not seeing that is what I actually desire from myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be unconditional towards myself, seeking it with in others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek commitment from others, instead of being committed to myself as life one and equal I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from commitment, seeking it with in others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through seeking commitment, instead of being it in breath here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear commitment from myself because I look down on myself, as less than others I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as less than others, limiting myself within who I am committed to myself as life I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from self commitment, trying to find it with in others, and fearing standing alone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing alone, not being committed to myself as life I forgive myself Breath