Gaining Muscles and the Physical design, My Story.

My Story with gaining Muscles and the Physical design.

I am currently 22 years old and 1.77m tall, I weigh 64kg, before joining Desteni I was 18 years old and was 1.72m tall and weighed 55kg.

Where does the Idea come from that how big your muscles are determines how strong you are, and why it is connected with looking good. 

I have been occupied with this point for most of my life, gaining muscles and looking good and having the strength that comes with size. 

It is interesting how such a point can consume people’s life’s such my own life, where I would literally have thoughts beliefs and idea about myself and the whole concept daily, comparing myself constantly and actually at times get depressed about it.

It takes so much time so much effort and it actually becomes a possession, I can confirm this with myself when I look into my past and how it all was created and why, So I will take you on a journey back in time. 

I was born into this world with nothing, no thoughts or any memory, I had no comparisons and no judgments and muscles, well it simply did not exist yet as my mind consciousness, but physically it did/does lol.

So as I grew up and I played around in the garden I would run and kick balls and climb things and jump on couches and just be a little rascal. 

Doing all of this and more activities as a Kid I wasn’t concerned about doing it according to my muscles and if my muscles can allow me to do it.

For example, what people do when they are older is, they look at something that needs to be done such as digging a hole or climbing a tree and the first thing they look at is, do I have the muscles and the fitness to do this, instead of th3e physical and what is real/actual and are you able, the size of muscles doesn’t have any relevance with in this. 

So why as a kid wasn’t this a concern at all (muscles linked to what I can do and cannot) and as A kid I simply did it without any thought, this is all between the ages of 2 to 7 years old, in this same period the limitations came in, the fears and the ideas and beliefs. 

Here is how, if I look at my own life back then ,it will give me the timeline and the playout that took place for the events that flowed out from it, is the result of who I am now over time. 

I remember at the age of 6 when family came over for a party or a birthday or simply a get together we all would have fun, my cousins would be there and they are much bigger and older than me and all the other uncles and aunts would be there. 

They used to play with me and run and make jokes and laugh and just enjoy, with in this there were moments that all the adults would sit around and just talk and say things and share thing and gossip, I would sit there as well and just listen.

As they all get out of stuff to say they tend to look at the children for entertainment as we had unlimited energy at that stage lol, 

And I remember my uncles and aunts would ask me questions, to see what a six year old would answer, they would get my answer and it would become like a game, it ends up with them asking me how strong are you Gian, and I would say I don’t know, they would then say well show us your arm muscles,  I would rip out my arm and I would pop my arm muscle for them. (obviously there was nothing but normality, even with all the activities I do) 

As they are adults they have no choice but to give me a young kid credit, they would say, wow Gian you are strong, can I feel it, and they would come to me and feel my muscle, I would then feel proud and like I have achieved something. 

So here I made the connection that to determine how strong I am I have to have big muscles, I mean the adults related it this way so it must be this way. 

 Afterwards I would not give it more thought and it would be over, it was fun but it’s over.

So as I got older and I went to school where there were more kids and lots of competition all the time, comparison becomes a part of the schooling, because there are so many kids with all kinds of different body builds and different physical expressions. 

The comparing did not happen consciously as thoughts it happened sub consciously through certain events that took place, I would for instance participate in a sport and not get a place in the game because I do not have the strength or size of the other kids, this made me feel insecure and less than and it wasn’t really because I was smaller or not as strong, it was because I simply just wasn’t as good in skill lol. It was all my own perception. 

I have a small built, in body fat and I do not have a big bone structure, It always felt like other kids just always had more body then me, and physically it was like that, they were taller, wider (broader shoulders etc) and They had more natural strength than me because of their size, I had speed and flexibility.

I judged myself a lot from the age seven on as I was only able to do athletics according to my body built.

When all the kids my age started maturing, such as getting beards and hair everywhere and their voices would break and they would actually look and seem different, I did not go through this with them all. 

When I got to high school I started doing more and more sports that I could, more athletics (I did up to 7 items every year) and I continued playing tennis and started playing hockey and I did do Rugby for one year in grade 11 for the first team and second team and I did chess but that’s not really active, I tried cricket but it was really too boring.

The main thing I did at the age of sixteen was going to gym, I went to the gym every week 5 times, I ate three good meals a day and I drank USN Muscle Grow protein shake with tablets, I was serious about gaining muscles and a lot more strength. 

I did this for two years straight with my older brother (going to the gym) my brother became twice the size he was and I only tippled in strength and body tone, every muscle in my body was visible and strong.

This wasn’t good enough for me because I have the strength but no muscles to show that I have it.

I was able to lift 26kg weights in each arm, I bench pressed 60kg and I was able to do more than 100 pushups and 200 sit ups, and I never counted any of the other exercises but it was a lot, I gained respect in the gym because people were amazed by what I can do with my tiny stick like body LOL.
And I was riding my bike a lot at least 40 Kilometers a week (from my home to the Gym and to friends houses all across town)

This was not enough for me, I wanted to look big and strong, not just be strong.

So after all this I started hating myself more and more, I wasn’t getting what others had naturally, I wanted to be like the rest, other kids would gym for three months and they would improve in such a way you can visually see it on the body size they have.

At the age of 18 2008 9th July I came to Desteni farm..

So after coming to Desteni and still being here right now, something happened, coming here broke all my patterns and the way I was living, the way I participated every day, and this changed a lot.

I stopped Gym (obviously) and i actually started relaxing, changing my pattern made it able for me to relax more, within six months I gained 8Kg, this I could not believe because I tried so hard all my life and here I get it in six months without any protein shakes and supplement and no gym. 

How is this possible, I even gained 5cm in high in this time, I then seriously started looking at myself and why this would happen so suddenly? 

Was it because of my age and I was simply growing more within that specific time period, I do not believe in coincidences. 

Check this out - How thoughts create Physical reality.

I gained muscle and height through relaxing, through stopping the comparison and all the self judgments and all the self abuse such as hate speech towards myself and obviously I stopped using all my bodies energy in thoughts/thinking (on the subject of muscles/comparison/looking good etc) and started living more here in the physical, as we all should know, thinking uses 80% of your bodies energy, all this energy now was able to go to the body and support the body because I stopped all the other crap, through changing my patterns, through self forgiveness etc, stopping these patterns and forms of self abuse can be achieved with Desteni through the SRA course that we have.

So I hope this gives one a more clear view on how we are brainwashed, If I never went into self judgment at the age of 7 about my body through events that occurred, I would not have created all the thoughts and feeling and emotions that come with it, and My body would have gotten all the energy it needs instead of my mind, and I would have grown naturally, this is what the farm exposed to me, once I stopped the patterns of thoughts feeling and emotions and the living application of this self judgment, my body grew.

The most of the other kids did not have the same as me, they were in the same school from the beginning with all the same friends, and thus acceptance was already there for them in those stages, I came from a little town far away and was placed in a new school with everyone new and everything, this was more of a challenge for me to gain acceptance and thus I allowed self judgment with in me instead of self acceptance.

I created my own limitations and everything that came with it through brainwashing myself with all the ideas and beliefs in my head through constantly repeating it to myself as judgments, I created my own insecurities and self hate.

Through the act of going to the gym I was actually telling myself I am ugly and thus I actually accepted and allowed myself as being ugly, not good enough, and that I need to become more, and thus my body remained the way I saw myself in my mind as my own judgments, to show to me what I am accepting and allowing within me and to manifest in this world.

This is “my story”, look at yourself and be self honest and forgive yourself. 

Summary:

So the size of muscles does not determine your strength (as I proved this greatly to myself by now) and the size of your body has nothing to do with what you can do (as I have proven to myself greatly by now), it is all mind created ideas and beliefs based on past experiences that now has set a limitation on you in the present through constantly holding onto it as enslavement/limitations, and looking sexy with muscles is completely irrelevant with in what matters as life. 

Check out this for more support -  Get Real, Stay Real, Be  Physical

Take into consideration, I was still at a young age and growth was still possible and still is, since males can grow till the age of 24 (or is that also only brainwashing) I will test it out and see how I grow in the next few years as I stop the mind and live here one and equal in the physical with me, no expectations!! This will create another mind fuck, accept you as your physical and change it if you are not satisfied and use your body in which way it is most practical physically and then start challenging your “weaknesses” and let go of the mind created limitations.

If you die your body becomes dust, who will you be then? One and Equal as life, or an idea, image and likeness of the mind that got deleted at death. 

If you want support with your problems that is similar, get this book - Virus Free Mind, (click to follow link) I red it and it really gives you a new way of looking at things and makes it easier for you to let go and start the process of change.